


What We Own

by pikimio



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blackwell Academy (Life is Strange), Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hidden Feelings, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jealousy, Mental Health Issues, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Photography, Rachel Amber Lives, Reconciliation, References to Drugs, Rewind Powers (Life Is Strange), Slight Codependency, Slight possessive behavior, Texting, Time Travel, Visions, Vortex Club (Life is Strange), everyone is alive but not okay :'), references to unused game audio, repairing friendship, slow burn??? kinda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:08:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 22,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29578665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikimio/pseuds/pikimio
Summary: Deja vu has always been an interesting feeling. Feeling as if the same day, hour, minute has happened before; it'd be enough to send anyone's thoughts reeling. Plus a recurring few trips down memory lane, and it's as if the passage of time is all you can even think about anymore. Would things be different if you were aware? What would you change if you could; if you couldn't? Whether things will be different or not, though, it will always circle back around. It starts with a fight, there's some distance in between, and it always ends with a storm.
Relationships: Nathan Prescott/Original Female Character(s), Nathan Prescott/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	1. quick a/n!

uh, hi!

It's 2021, so im p sure that there's no demand for LiS fanfic, let alone Nathan fanfic :') However! I have been playing through the game again, and I still have so much love for the game and its characters, and thus this fic was born!

this is my first fic on ao3, however, I have already started this fic on another website, and am transferring it from there. b/c of that, I apologize if the formatting or chapter lengths are a little wonky, as i'm still getting used to ao3, but please bear with me as i figure it out! 

any and all constructive criticism is appreciated!!! :) thanks for reading!


	2. The Root of All Theory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's raining and you wish you were anywhere but here.

It was raining. You were running. 

Water spattered around your feet, soaking into your shoes as droplets sprang forth from each and every puddle, kicking up into the air and falling back down, only to pool around and puddle together once again. 

Everything was gray. The rain, the grass, the pavement, the buildings: everything was gray. It all blurred together as the rain grew heavier and heavier, soaking and chilling you to your bone. The weight of the water and the world set in further and further, slowing down your thoughts and your mind to a still. It did not slow down your pace, despite the trudging feeling that grew in your legs. You had to keep moving.

You had to keep moving, and you _would_ be moving even faster still,were it not for the crowd beginning to gather close around you, outside of the Girl's Dormitory. 

Earlier, when you had seen Kate Marsh pass your class down the hall, tears streaming down her face, you had nearly begged Ms.Grant to let you leave. Albeit a bit reluctantly, she had given you permission as long as you promised to return, given her somewhat limited knowledge on the situation and your utter persistence. Despite your attempt to catch up to your friend as quickly as possible, though, it proved to be of little use, as you had lost her by the time you got outside.

There were a few moments of stillness as you stood outside, nothing reaching your ears except for the roaring of the rain as it echoed loud and clear in your head. There was more stillness, where it became just you and the rain, until you heard a faint shout off in the distance. As if your body was moving faster than your thoughts, you took off instantly in that direction. 

It was raining. You were running. Water spattered around your feet. 

And _god,_ you wished the growing crowd of people would move, would do more than just stand and stare and film, but as you pushed your way towards the front of the Girl's Dormitory, you found yourself slowing to a still once again, much like everyone else had. 

What could you do? You craned your neck, staring helplessly up at your friend on the roof. Maybe if you had moved quicker, or had noticed Kate leaving sooner, you could have made it up there in time to be with her, or even prevented her from making it up to the roof entirely.

Your breath caught in your throat as you saw her take a step towards the ledge. Someone's shoulder bumped into your own, eliciting a shaky exhale out of both of you. It's barely even a moment though until your breath comes back crashing back into your body, and you're neither here nor there; you're too far gone and too far everywhere all at once to pay this nearest person any mind, because, at the end of the day, it didn't matter. It didn't matter how or whether they even knew Kate, and it didn't matter what they were here for, as, in this moment, all that could ever matter was Kate. All you could think about was Kate Marsh and every single moment where you could have done something different, where you could have done something better.

It was too late now to make it up to the roof, it was too late to have caught up to her before class, and it was _far_ too late to have gone to that party, the current root of Kate's torment. If only you had been a better friend. If only you had been at that _awful,_ dreaded party, and things could have gone differently. 

There's a few more shouts here and there, but they all blur together. You see Kate take a step, and another, until the tips of her feet careen over the edge. Maybe it's the rain growing stronger and heavier, or maybe it's your own fear and wish to be anywhere but here, but your vision grows blurry. You felt a hand and someone's fingertips dig tightly into your shoulder, and, in any other instance, this would have been a grounding feeling, a tether back to reality, but there was no coming back down from this current state of mind. 

Your brows furrowed together as you furiously blinked, clearing the drops from your eyelashes and vision, but it was of no use. The rain kept coming and coming and your vision grew heavier and heavier. 

There's a final shout and the faint appearance of a figure behind Kate, before everything goes quiet. A heavy stillness settles over you. You blink again, and everything is black. 

~

_Bzzt! Bzzt! Bzzt!_

Fighting your grogginess, you rubbed your eyes and stretched over to grab your phone. You swiped through and briefly ignored your unread text messages, going to stop your incessant alarm set for the school day ahead. Luckily, it was the end of the week and you'd get to sleep in over the next two days! On the other side of the same coin though, today had been a day you've been dreading for the past week. 

Today was October 4th, and tonight was the night of the one and only Vortex Club party you would ever plan on attending. 


	3. Gives You Hell

**Hey girl! Meet me in my room after class?**

In the few minutes you had between classes, you stalled for time at your locker. Tentatively, you typed out an affirmative response to Dana on your phone. Hanging out with the cheerleader was nothing new, as the two of you had become fast friends during your Sophomore year at Blackwell. However, you knew exactly why she wanted to meet up tonight, and it sent a bit of a jolt down your spine.

Maybe you were being a bit dramatic. It was only one party! What's the worse that could happen? You had a few friends who were part of the Vortex Club, Dana included, so it couldn't be all that bad, right? Granted, there were a few people that you'd definitely rather not see, but, considered it was going to be a massive party, you figured that it should be easy to avoid them. Well, you more so only told yourself this as a reason to not talk yourself out of attending.

With the last bell drawing near, you finally shut your locker and began to head down the hall. Earbuds in, your eyes flickered from wall to wall, waving to the few people you knew who were still lingering. As you drew closer to your class, your turned your focus straight ahead, ruminating over the conversation you had had with the teacher just the other day.

Ms.Grant had been impressed with your performance in her class and your admiration for the subject, and asked if you would be interested in signing up as a tutor! You didn't consider yourself to be exactly on the same level as Brooke and Warren, but you knew you were a hard enough worker for task, and the scientific duo would be spread far too thin if they were the only tutors. As flattered as you were that Ms.Grant trusted you enough, you had asked for some time to think it over. You were currently in the process of applying for part-time jobs, and you didn't want to take on more than you could handle. Of course, that hadn't necessarily stopped you before, as -

_Slam!_

The thundering sound of a locker slamming shut sent your train of thought screeching to a halt. With a startle, you nearly jumped up in the air at the sound. You knew _exactly_ what had happened, and you almost didn't even want to look, but your eyes were moving ahead of your thoughts as they cast a furtive glance to the other side of the hallway.

A bright red jacket contrasted sharply against the blue lockers, and it couldn't help but to call your attention to it.

"Oh, come on. Is that any way to say 'hi' to a friend?" A light, teasing voice echoed throughout the hallway, though it wasn't directed at you. It carried a slight edge to it, coming across more so as an attempt to break up the the tension in the atmosphere. Nonetheless, you turned to address the speaker, giving a strained smile to the blonde haired girl.

"Hey, Rachel! Nathan!" Despite your growing anxiety and simultaneous irritation, you gave a genuine greeting to the duo. Rachel easily returned it, and it eased your nerves just the slightest.

"Alright, get to class, you dork. Just saying hey~! But, hey - when you get a chance, text me! We need to catch up, alright? It's already October and we've barely even hung out once since school started!" At Rachel's words, your smile became a more sincere one as you nodded. And yet, you couldn't shake the tight, tingling feeling that resided in your throat. For the briefest of moments, your brows quickly bunched together in a worrisome expression.

"What, cat got your tongue?" Nathan's voice came out lowly as a drawl, his passive stare suddenly drilling into your skull. You merely ignored his quip and refused to meet his gaze, choosing to keep talking to Rachel before carrying on your way.

Out of the corner of your eye, you ignored the way his stare quickly flitted up and down your body, it pausing for the quickest of seconds at your feet. Instead of addressing him, you quickly uttered a goodbye, with a promise to the girl that you would text her, before turning back down the hall to speed off to your class.

At your desk, you stalled on taking out your notebooks and supplies, choosing to direct your focus on the ground by your feet. Your gaze darted over the various, familiar scribbles and doodles that resided on the tops and sides of your shoes. It had been a growing collection that had accumulated over a few years. Although a nice reminder of some friends and some times, you lightly pursed your lips in contemplation while reflecting on a few of them. You _really_ needed a new pair of shoes.  
  
  


~

_"Oh, misfortune after misfortune!"_

_"Um, Mr.Keaton, sir-"_

_"With dear Stephanie's sudden recusal, it mayhap be too late to fill her leading-lady light board shoes." The drama teacher glanced around the room, bringing his hand to his cheek, only to lean into it in an exaggerated fashion._

_"Mr.Keaton-" Your voice never quite reached him, and you weren't sure if it was from your distance away from him on the stage, or if he was just so lost in his head that he couldn't hear anyone else around him._

_"Alas, the show must go on!" The man began to pace back and forth, and, with a slightly exasperated sigh, you turned back to the flats in front of you. They weren't going to finish painting themselves!_

_You had nearly gotten lost in the process of painting the set, when a new, mocking voice lowly chimed in, snapping you out of it. "Oh, woe is me! However will our dear show go on?" He spoke low enough so that the teacher wouldn't hear him, and, truthfully, you were only able to hear him yourself as he was currently making his way over to the flats you were working on. You felt your shoulders tense a little at the sight of him, a soft pale blue sweater contrasting his typical, rough demeanor. Within moments, your shoulders dropped. Maybe it was the sweater, or maybe it was the fact that, over and over in your head, you had to remind yourself: you didn't know_ _him, no matter what you had heard, as you had never personally talked to him. In that same regard, you didn't know most people in your class._

_As you kept your eyes focused on the flats in front of you, you tried your best to ignore the pair of shoes that you could now see outside of the corner of your eye. You knew they had stopped here for a reason, but you weren't going to bring it up yourself if it wasn't necessary. Maybe he was just looking around, waiting for Mr.Keaton to give him direction, anyways! That was always a possibility, right?_

_Wrong. After a few beats of silence, the same voice begrudgingly spoke up. "Are you gonna pass me a paint brush or not?"_

_In silence, you reached over to grab a few of your brushes, and handed them to the boy standing next to you, before resuming your painting of the flats. He crouched down just a little ways off to the side, looking between you, the paints, and the boards._

_"Okay, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here."_

_There's another beat of silence as you gnaw on your lower lip, but it's of no use, as the laugh you were holding back still makes it's way out. Your eyes widen as you do your best to not take the sharp glare to heart._

_"Sorry, sorry!" You let out a few more giggles in between words, but more so out of nervousness than anything. "That's- That's my fault. I mean, I'm the only one painting over here, anyways, while we're waiting for the rest of the cast to show up. Um, you can start painting the outline for the rock arch, if you want? I already have it sketched out, so we're good to start there!"_

_The boy simply rolled his eyes and got to work, a suffocating silence falling between the two of you. You didn't mean to piss him off, but you also didn't think that it would happen so quickly. You knew you could get spacey when you got lost in your work, though, and it had annoyed quite a few people on multiple occasions. Well, it could always be worse. You could've been working by yourself this entire time, or he could've started some type of scene, or -_

_You were pulled out of your thoughts when you felt the slightest pressure on the top of your shoe suddenly alleviate. You furrowed your brows and turned to the boy besides you, but he was stone faced, continuing his work on the flats. Believing you wouldn't get a direct answer out of him, you finally looked down at your shoe, only to see that a tiny little 'Fuck You'_ _had been painted on the top of them. You purse your lips together as you stare down at it, pretending to ignore the way boy's eyes occasionally and quickly dart between the flats and you, as if to gauge your reaction. With a quick stroke of the brush, you paint over the writing and try to turn back to the flats._

_You start to mix paint colors, getting ready to fill in the painting of the rock arch that the boy had finished outlining. You find yourself getting lost in the process once again, and it's only a matter of time until you feel the same slight pressure as before. This time, however, it's on your other shoe._

_"Hey!" You look down and see that, on the opposite shoe, another tiny 'Fuck You' has been painted, yet this time it came with a smiley face to top it all off._

_"It's not my fault your so dense!" He snickered, his eyes widening incredulously at your reaction. "You didn't even notice it until I was already done the first time!_ **_Some_ ** _body just needs to pay more attention." His eye roll, despite still oozing annoyance, seemed much less intimidating than his earlier one._

 _"...Okay._ Maybe _I deserved that." You nodded and sighed exaggeratedly, finally painting over his words. You mulled over once again at how hyper-focused you could get, as it often came at the expense of paying attention fully to your surroundings. You knew that it could always be worse though. "But I mean, at least I'm not as bad as Mr. Keaton! Before you came, I was trying to get his attention for the past 30 minutes, to let him know I could fill in on the light board, and he hasn't even so much as looked at me!"_

 _"...Fucking hell, why didn't you say so?!" Despite his exasperated words, no real anger came with them this time. "If you had just_ **_said_ ** _something sooner, we wouldn't have to be listening to his whining! 'Oh, poor me! The show just won't be the same!'" The same whiny, mocking tone from earlier came back, as the boy dramatically placed the back of his hand on his forehead, in a faux-fainting fashion, much like how Mr.Keaton had done earlier, and had done many times prior to today. The boy suddenly waved Mr.Keaton over, and you had to quickly cover your laughter at the joke made at the teacher's expense._

_You quickly explained your idea to Mr. Keaton, as you had prior, albeit limited, experience with lighting boards due to past shows, put on by both Blackwell and by outside clubs. As long has he would go over the set up and the script for the show with you, you were good to go!_

_Mr.Keaton raved at the idea, as he felt that having one less 'run crew' member would be easier to work with than having no one to operate the light board. And while you were glad that Mr.Keaton ran with the idea, you were becoming worried that he was maybe a little_ **_too_ ** _excited. He had been talking non-stop for 15 minutes straight about just how much more creative liberty he could take and what he could officially plan to do, now that he had someone at the light board again. Not wanting to be rude, you listened and nodded along with the man as he spoke, but you didn't really take much of it in. It wasn't for another few minutes until he had finally let you get back to your painting._

_By then, the boy next to you had left, as all the cast members had grouped together, moving on from set painting to waiting for Mr.Keaton so they could start their rehearsal. Attempting to recollect your thoughts, you scanned the brushes and various paints around you, taking note of your inventory. The corners of your mouth turned up in a faint smile, as you also took note of the new painting on your shoe, taking the place of the painted-over expletive._

_'Nate.'_

_~_

Snapping out of your mini-trance, you pulled out your notebooks for the class as you took your seat. Could today get _any_ longer?  
  



	4. Restringing the Night

Each vibration of your phone sent a pang right through your chest.

What was _with_ you today? Every little thing had been setting you off, sending your thoughts reeling for minutes on end. Attempting to still your mind, you refocused on the conversation back at hand.

"And...perfect! Alright, we are all set to go Ms. [L/N]!" Ms. Grant turned to you from her desk, where she had just finished printing out the new sign-up sheets for after class tutoring. "Spaces are only available after classes on weekdays, so you won't have to worry about anything for the next few days. I always check the sheets every morning, just to keep everything in order, but I recommend you do the same, just to get in the habit of it!"

"Of course, Ms.Grant! Always good to be prepared, right?" You chirped, although your voice came out slightly strained, due to your ever-increasing nerves. The end of the day could not come soon enough! You just wanted to sleep more than anything, yet you still had to meet up with Dana, the current source of your phone's ceaseless, silent buzzing.

"I know you always are, [Y/N]. It's always good to see you, don't hesitate to stop by if you have any questions!"

You smiled in appreciation at the science teacher, bidding her a polite 'goodbye,' before heading out to the hallway. Pulling out your phone, you figured that you should probably let Dana know where you were at, both to calm her nerves and get your phone to stop going off so much! Yet, before you could even respond to just one of the many missed messages, a call from said friend came through.

"[Y/N]...!" Dana drew out your name in a warning, slightly whining tone.

"Dana, hey! Sorry, I was talking to Ms. Grant. I'm on my way back to the dorms now though!"

"Oh, thank god! I mean, I know you'd never just leave me hanging, but this party had me wigging out all day." The tension audibly dropped from Dana's voice once she heard that you were on your way.

"Why, Miss Dana Ward, can you _really_ call yourself aVortex Club member?" With an exaggerated gasp and mock disappointment, you teased the cheerleader on her complicated dynamic with the club.

"Poor little me. A faux member, who rarely dare attend a party!" Despite her words playing along with yours, they dripped with sarcasm, and you could almost physically hear her roll her eyes as she spoke. And yet, the near-bitterness was gone almost as fast as it came, as Dana nearly cut her own self off with a distant sounding cheer. "Oh, wait! Okay, no, come, come-" Her voice came through as if she had put down her phone, no longer talking to you, before she picked it back up to speak once again. "[Y/N]! Just let me know when you get here, okay?"

"Okay, I mean, I'm about to be there in just a-"

 _Beep!_ And without a second's notice, she hung up the phone.

In slightly exasperated admiration, you shook your head at the girl's demeanor. Dana Ward was truly a force to be reckoned with! You knew that from the moment her name and various cheer related doodles made their way on your shoes though, over the course of your Sophomore year. While you had known her in passing, from sharing some classes your Freshman year, the two of you didn't get much chance to talk, until you worked together on the school production of the Tempest! Truth be told, the Tempest was one of your least favorite shows to put on, as you preferred musical productions, yet you had made close friends during its run, so you couldn't help but look back on it fondly. Some have gone and some have stayed, with many in between. At the present moment, one of them just so happened to be in Dana's room, sprawled out on her bright pink couch.

"[Y/N], hey!" Hayden's familiar voice rang out low and clear, drawing out the syllables in a relaxed manner. "Dana and I have been waiting for you! Well, more like Dana was, I guess - I just got here." He gave a cheeky grin from his spot on the couch, where he then shortly returned to typing away on his phone. 

"Oh, hey! I thought I heard Dana talking to someone else when we were on the phone! So, you must know all about her plans then, right?" You squinted at Hayden in a lightheartedly suspicious manner, presently ignoring the dramatic eye-roll that Dana set your way.

"Hey, don't look at me like that when Dana's right there!" Hayden quickly sat up, swinging his legs over the couch. "I didn't even know there was a plan to being with. I'm just glad I was finally able to convince you guy to come and hang with us!"

Your squint softened, only to be replaced with the slightest crinkling in your brows. Your smile remained, albeit it wavered just the slightest. "Um, right! Speaking of that - what about Juliet?" You deflected your main concern, choosing to focus on something else. While already dealing with the intimidation of the party, a new wave of worry washed over you, as you had to grapple with conflicting information. It wasn't so far fetched that Hayden would convince you and Dana to attend, as he had tried to already on multiple occasions! The issue arose in the fact that you had little to no recollection of this conversation ever happening. For the time being, you convinced yourself that it must have happened during one of your many late-night hang outs, where you were half asleep. That was as likely an answer as any.

"C'mon, [Y/N]. You know she's not coming, she said that her and Zach were ditching for their 'date night.'" Dana poked fun at the notion of the couple's date night, before a wave of curiosity washed over her. "But, uh, on that note! ...Do you guys think that Trevor's gonna be there tonight?" 

"Who knows? Trevor's cool and all, but he's not _exactly_ who I'm hoping to see there tonight." Hayden's cheeky grin from earlier quickly made its way back to his face, earning a frustrated groan from Dana, and a laugh out of you. 

"Oh, yeah, which girls were you hoping to see there again? You must know each and every one of them on such a deep level." You teasingly shot back at Hayden's remark, expressing mock awe.

"Hm? And what about you, [Y/N]? There's gotta be somebody that you're just _dying_ to see, right?" Dana had some how turned it all right around on you, causing you to dramatically gasp out of betrayal. In the meantime, she had jumped up from her spot on the bed, and made her way over to her desk, where she began to root through some things. Upbeat pop music began to play from her laptop, while she pushed and moved things about for another minute, before seemingly coming to find it. "Aha! Here we go! I bought in some hair glitter for spirit week coming up, but I figured we could use some now. Who's first?"

"Uhh, I think I'll pass." Hayden said, returning to his laid-back, sprawled out position on the couch. "Just let me know when you guys are ready, yeah?" He stretched out and rested his hands behind his head, closing his eyes in the process.

"I think that means he wants to go first." You stage-whispered to Dana, just loud enough so that Hayden would still hear. One of his eyes shot open, sending the stink-eye your way.

"Ha-ha. Very funny-"

"You heard the girl! Up and at 'em, Hayden!" Dana cut him off with a yell, yet made no move to give him her makeover, as she instead turned towards you, prepped and primed with the glitter. In return, you preemptively closed your eyes as Dana's hands then came closer to your face, starting to apply the glitter on the strands that framed the shape of your face. 

Once Dana had finished applying the glitter to your hair, you had done the same to her. By the time the two of you were finished, you both had been getting into the beat of the music, bobbing your heads and singing along. Hayden, still laying on the couch, began to stir a bit, causing Dana to whip her gaze back around to him. She squinted mischievously at him, before turning back to you, where you nodded in understanding. 

"Oh, Hayden!" Your sing-song voice cause the boy to shoot both his eyes open, before he quickly narrowed them in suspicion. "Guess who's turn it is...?" At the continuation of your teasing, Hayden grumbled out a few choice words as Dana slinked her way over to his side, with the glitter jar in hand. Despite his annoyance, Hayden presented no real protest, as he quickly sat up once again. 

"Alright, do your worst!" He sighed, closing his eyes as Dana got started on the application process once again. In the meantime, you continued to bob your head along to the music, trying to take a few moments to get yourself to relax. It didn't last long, though, as you were snapped out of your music trance by the sound of a harsh knocking on Dana's door. 

"Just a second!" Dana called out, attempting to quickly finish applying the glitter to Hayden's hair. The knocking only continued and got more aggressive, until the voice on the other side spoke. 

"Can you just answer the damn door? I know Hayden's in there, and Nathan's been looking for him."

You instantly cringed at the sound of the voice, and Dana, despite not wanting to let the girl in herself, felt more sympathetic towards your own reluctance compared to her own mild annoyance. She handed the glitter over to you to resume Hayden's hair make-over, so she could deal with the present issue. 

"Hey, Victoria, can it wait, like, just a minute? We're almost done in here." Dana, not hiding her reservations towards the girl, only cracked the door open slightly, so Victoria couldn't push her way in.

"Whatever. Just, whatever you're doing, hurry it up, okay? Nathan's already headed this way, anyways." Victoria said, her own annoyance coming through. 

As you had quickly finished your work on Hayden's hair, the two of you had begun to throw a mini dance party where you sat, where you were quietly but dramatically miming singing along to the songs that would play. Dana, casting a glance back at the two of you to the see how you were coming along in the glitter process, nearly burst into a fit of giggles at your behavior. She inadvertently let the door swing open further, as she turned away from Victoria to briefly join in on lip-syncing with you guys, from a distance. 

"Uh, hello? I'm still waiting. Can you just send Hayden out or let me in or something?" Growing impatient, Victoria's voice grew louder and became rife with exasperation. 

"Oh, come on. Nathan's not even here yet. Just give us a few more minutes!" Dana had lost her patience and promptly chose to ignore the other girl, now swaying her head and hips to the beat of the music. 

There's a tense few beats of silence, until Victoria spoke up once again, a mischievous lilt growing in her tone. "Oh, well, speak of the devil." 

As you, Dana, and Hayden continued your impromptu dance party, you barely paid notice Victoria's words, but the new voice that joined her sent your relaxed state to a halt. 

"Ooh, killer-" The voice mimicked that of a cat purring. "I'm not missing out on a cat fight, am I?"

"Oh, wanky." Dana's disgust clashed with Hayden's teasing, their voices overlapping. At their contrast, your nerves near instantly calmed. You covered your mouth with the back of your hand in an attempt to hold back your laughter at them, but it was of no use as it continued to bubble up. 

"Ugh, thank god your finally here. I need to be by _some_ one who's not annoying. I don't even know what Hayden's still doing in there." At Victoria's mention of the boy, the door swung open wider, which you made no note of, as you fell harder into your fit of giggling. It came out more and more, the more Dana and Hayden poked at you and gave you dramatically incredulous looks, purposefully trying to get a rise out of you. 

"Hey, Hayden-" Nathan cut himself off in the middle of his sentence, a beat of silence following after. "What the hell are you doing?" His question came across as more of a statement, his voice falling flat. 

Hayden was slow to answer, as he himself was still laughing at the state you worked yourself up to be in. Before he could even fully answer, Nathan kept the conversation moving forward quickly, at his own pace. 

"Look, never mind, just-" Nathan pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a shaky exhale."I thought you wanted to go over everything we needed for the party tonight." 

"Yeah, man, it's chill though. I trust you! You've always got the best stuff." 

"Great. Cool." Nathan rocked back and forth on his feet for a few beats, stuffing his hands into his pockets. His eyes darted around the room frantically, never settling on one place for too long. With how he had acted towards in the hallway earlier, you were thrown off at his sudden insistence on ignoring you. Not that it was a bad thing, as it was actually quite welcomed, and eased your growing tension just the slightest. "You, uh, gonna head out with Vic and I?" 

"Nah, sorry. I promised these lovely ladies that I'd escort them tonight." Hayden slung his arm around your shoulder and suggestively raised his eyebrows at Dana. 

You locked eyes with Dana who, from her spot by the door, feigned a deeply melodramatic expression, her brows furrowing together. She attempted to drop her voice an octave as she parroted the phrase, "Thank you, thank you very much." The swing she threw into her voice nearly had you bursting into another fit, and she knew it, further laughing at your attempt to bite it back. The three of you had been in an exceedingly goofy mood since you started hanging out, and it was still showing, much to the annoyance of the other two. 

"God, I'm surrounded by idiots." Victoria, fed up with watching everything going on, threw her hands up into the hair and stalked off into the hallway. Nathan cast a furtive glance back at her before turning to Hayden once again. He opened his mouth yet closed it just as fast, seemingly deciding against saying what was on his mind. His eyes, slowing in their darting, finally settled on Hayden, to whom he merely said a rushed goodbye to, before speeding off after Victoria. 

A calm silence settled over in the room, most of the tension seemingly gone. After a few more beats, Hayden spoke up. "Uh- alright. What was up with that, [Y/N]?" Dana cast you a sympathetic glance as you flashed your own tired one towards Hayden. When you didn't answer right away, he slowly pressed on. "Maybe it's none of my business, I mean, you don't have to tell me everything, but Nate's never been that fucking weird around you." You smiled wistfully at the expression. "Is something up?" 

Although you appreciated the sentiment, Hayden's genuine concern made you feel more tired than anything. Dana, noticing your weary expression, went to speak on your behalf, but you assured her that it wasn't an issue. "Don't worry about it. I mean, we've got a party to get to! Right?" You lightly nudged Hayden's side with your elbow in a prodding manner. Getting the undisclosed hint, Hayden sprang up to his feet with a stretch.

"Hell yeah, let's get going!" Revved and ready to go, Hayden extended an arm out to both you and Dana, escorting both of you down the hallway and into the long night that was still yet to come. 


	5. A New Direction

Colorful flashing lights pulsed with the beat of the music. And yet, the beat of the music was barely discernible over the many shouts, cheers, and roaring laughter of the growing crowd of students. Many were spilling out into the main courtyard, each cluster being a group of people that formed a slight, scattering trail that led into the larger party going on inside. 

Hayden was already beginning to get noticeably antsy, if the way he tugged on your's and Dana's arms was any indication. The three of you had made a few rest stops before attending the party, namely to get an assortment of snacks and drinks to bring back to your dorm for your impromptu planned hang-out for after the party. As such, it delayed your arrival by quite some time. While it didn't delay it by much, it was enough to let the party get into full swing by the time you all arrived.

"I can't believe I let you guys keep me running around for this long." Hayden said with a shake of his head. 

"Oh, boo-hoo, now you'll have to fight your way into the VIP section." Dana quipped in response, rolling her eyes.

"I think you mean _we'll_ have to fight our way in." Hayden said, with another tug on your arm to pull you both into the crowds. The three of you breezed by the check in, before fully diving into the heart of the party. Hayden began to make a beeline towards the sectioned-off VIP area, as you had to dip and dodge and weave your way in between the massive group of people. Every way you turned, you nearly bumped into someone or another, with their drunken dancing leaving them moving all over the place. With each step you took, a growing pounding in your head got louder and louder, following the same pulse and beat as the music. You waved to a few people here and there as you passed by them, but with Hayden's pull on you and Dana, you didn't get the chance to stop and talk to many. Not that it would've made much of a difference, as most people seemed far too out of it to distinguish between who was who. 

As you finally neared the blocked-off VIP section, you dropped your voice as low as you could, putting on an air of faux seriousness. "I don't know Hayden, I think letting in an ex-member is kind of blasphemous." 

"Yeah, what's up with that anyways?" Hayden's question, initially taking on a concerned tone, quickly turned to one of joking. "I just can't believe you'd ever think of leaving me!" He dropped your arm and pretended to wipe away a false tear, which only resulted in Dana lightly punching him on the arm.

"Quit it, you've got nothing to worry about! You'll still have all the other vortex girls to party with - No, I am _not_ included in that!" Dana added on her last comment in a rush, just as Hayden barely opened his mouth to reply. "But for real [Y/N], if anyone tries to stop you, we'll just sneak you in through the side or something."

With Courtney talking to Victoria by the entrance, the task proved to be a little more daunting than expected. Had it just been Courtney, you figured it may have been possible to enter with no issue, but Victoria presented a much larger problem to deal with. Understanding this, Dana and Hayden directed you around to the side, promising to let you in through the curtain at the back.

Just making it around to the side proved to be a much more difficult task in and of itself, due to the crowd growing much more dense around the VIP section. Half of the people around it were Vortex Club members, spilling out to branch off and move around in the party, while the other half was comprised of people either trying to get a glimpse in, or push their way in entirely.

As you weaved your way in and out of the crowd once again, you lightly shook your head to yourself. Dana and Hayden had been your tether, keeping your head grounded and down to earth, even if they hadn't known it. While the three of you had been hanging out, your earlier nerves and jitters had melted away, and yet here, in these brief few moments without them, your apprehension came once again to rear its ugly head. 

Seconds felt like minutes, with each beat of the music and pulse of flashing light sending a pounding right into your head and your chest. Blood rushed to your ears, the pounding growing louder and louder and louder.

You hadn't thought it possible at first, as you had attempted to keep yourself calm and collected, yet your nerves seemed to increase tenfold as you scanned over the crowd, still waiting by the side curtain. Almost involuntarily, you squinted your eyes, searching and searching for something and for nothing all at once. 

In an attempt to calm yourself, you momentarily closed your eyes and took in a slow breath. While in any other circumstance, this would have calmed you, it only served to worsen your anxiety as, the second you closed your eyes, someone slammed into your side, effectively pushing you into a few other people and down onto the ground. 

Your eyes shot open and darted around frantically, quickly falling on the inadvertent perpetrator who leaned over you.

"[Y/N], he-ey!" The girl beamed down at you, a lopsided smile growing as she slurred her words. She extended her hand down to you and attempted to help you up, yet her grip was loose, causing her to nearly drop you once again as you pulled yourself up.

"Kate! Uh, hey! I didn't expect to see you here! What's- what's up?" Your voice rose an octave, out of your ever growing nerves. Despite the crease in your forehead growing, you attempted to flash a reassuring smile at your friend, yet, based on her observable state, you quickly realized that she wouldn't make much note of it. The pounding in your head grew louder, drowning out the music.

"Ohhh, nothin'." The petite girl slumped over onto your side, leaning on you for support. Upon closer look, her eyes were heavily squinted and held a glassy look to them. 

"Hey- how long have you been here?" On initial instinct, you lowered your voice and spoke in a soft whisper, hoping to soothe the girl. It took you a brief moment to remember where you were, upon which you then raised your voice so Kate could hear. 

She gave no answer other than a few giggles, drawing her face closer in to yours once again. You wrapped your arm around her shoulders, doing your best to keep her upright, but her constant swaying and movement made it harder than you hoped. 

You had been so focused on Kate's state, holding a one-sided conversation with her, that you didn't notice the approaching figure until their leering voice cut in. "Heeey, there she is!" A boy you had only recognized in passing came up, placing his hand on Kate's shoulder. At the touch, Kate heavily swung her head around, it coming to rest on the boy's hand. Lightly, you took one of your own hands to tilt her head up, attempting to keep her upright.

"Hey, don't worry about it! She was just hangin' with me and some of my friends, but slipped away for a minute. I've got it from here there though!" The boy, slurring his own words, heavily placed a hand on each of Kate's shoulders and attempted to pull her out of your grasp. Kate's weight swung forward, almost sending her falling into the boy, yet you steadied your grip across her shoulders and pulled her back. In between all the swaying and movement, Kate let out a few more giggles.

"Uh- no, that's okay." Your voice wavered as you spoke, in spite of your resolve to stand by Kate. You didn't recognize the boy, and, in the years that you've known her, you had never seen this behavior in her. There was no way you were letting her leave with him. Your eyes darted between Kate and the rest of the party, as you planned your course of action to leave, starting to pull her away from the commotion. The two of you had barely made it a few steps, when Kate got pulled back once again, her back now crashing into the chest of the instigator. 

"No need to be such a buzzkill. It's a party, we're all here to have fun, right?" 

You whirled around and grabbed Kate's hand, choosing to ignore the boy's words, much to his dismay. He took a stumbling step forward, getting uncomfortably close once again to both you and Kate.

"Can't you fuckin' hear or something? I said-"

"No." You cut him off with a sharp tug of Kate's hand and a step back. " _I_ said that she's staying with me." You winced, feeling deeply guilty for the way she's been pulled around, and you made a mental note to apologize to her as soon as she was in a better state of mind. For right now though, your main goal was to get her out of the party. 

Based on the fact that you were sober, you placed your bets on the fact that you could move faster than the boy, and thus should be able to shake him off. You would be slightly slowed down due to having to nearly carry Kate, but you didn't think it'd be an issue. At least, that was the mantra on repeat in your head, as you futilely hoped that the more you said it, the more truth it would hold. With your arm around Kate's shoulder once again to support her, you moved as quick as you could in between the crowds, ignoring any passing glances sent your way. You had barely made any distance across the room, though, when you heard a rousing surge of shouts. Keeping your head low, you attempted to push forward to get out of the area as quickly as you could, but the shouts grew louder in volume, sending the pounding in your head to nearly shatter under the pressure. It made the hairs on your neck stand on end, as the increase in volume indicated that they were getting closer. As you didn't know what the cause of the shouts were, you turned, hoping to at least move out of the way of whatever the commotion was. 

Whatever it was, you weren't sure, as the earlier shouts were overlapped by a rise in cheers from the crowd, and the only distinguishable thing that you could see was an angry and tired looking Nathan Prescott making his way towards you. 

"Do you wanna tell me why that fucking creep was following after you and-" He glanced down at Kate for the quickest of moments, who returned his stare with a bright grin, before his steely gaze returned to you. "Little miss sunshine over here?" 

You took in a deep breath you didn't know you were waiting for, not appreciating the disdain he currently directed towards Kate. With your free arm, you pinched the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes in the process. "Look, Nate-" You began to speak tiredly, feeling a heavy weight bear down on your own shoulders. Upon just barely hearing the boy's shaky inhale, you quickly corrected yourself before continuing on. "Nathan, I just- I'm tired, I don't know what's going on anymore, and I'm just trying to get Kate out of here." It wasn't until you felt a slight stinging and prickling in your eyes that you realized how much pressure you had been carrying with you all day. You blinked a few times, clearing everything out from your eyes, holding on to the pressure for just a bit longer. 

Nathan continued to look down at you, taking a few moments to answer as the gears in his head turned over and over. As if experiencing a sudden shift, his eyes quickly began to dart around the room, similar to how they had in Dana's dorm earlier. 

"Let me help." 

"What? Um- I think we're fine, I'm just gonna-" You blinked a few more times as you stumbled over your answer, annoying Nathan to no end, as he nearly jumped to cut you off. 

"Obviously you're not fine if you let that punk-ass bitch nearly follow you guys out of here." Without another word, Nathan pulled his hands out of his pockets and placed an arm around Kate's back, helping you support her from the other side. At the extra support, Kate leaned further into your side, still tripping over her own two feet. She stuttered out a slurred 'thanks,' resulting in a sardonic laugh from Nathan.

After a few beats of silence between the three of you, with the music now fading into the distance, you lowly spoke up. "What, no jokes tonight, Nathan?" You had meant for the comment to come across more lighthearted than it did, but you must have been more tired than you thought, as its bitterness mirrored that of Nathan's prior laugh. 

"I just wanna get the fuck out of here." His response came quick and clipped, and you thought that it was best to not push it any further. You hadn't realized how much tension he had been carrying as well, until you felt Kate's weight on your shoulder significantly relax from the moment you guys stepped into the dormitory. The three of you remained in silence the rest of the way to your dorm room, save for the few times Kate inadvertently raised her voice while trying to talk to you. After your second or third time of shushing her, she seemed to get the hint, and only occasionally spoke in an exaggerated whisper. 

"[Y/N], you're my-" The girl stopped mid-sentence, cutting herself off with a giggle and a _'shhh'_ as she placed a finger over her lips. At this point, you had been fumbling to get your room key out of your mini back-pack, struggling to find it in the dark. You had slightly looked up from your bag in confusion, just in time to barely notice Nathan quickly lowering his hand to stuff it into his jacket pocket. You resumed your search for your key, ignoring the feeling of a stare drilling into the back of your head. 

"...If you don't find that key within the next few seconds, I'm gonna do it myself." You looked back up at Nathan, who was now leaning against the wall, with his head tilted back to rest on it. He peered down at you from under his lashes, his eyes squinting in the process. When you didn't answer right away, he merely grabbed the bag out of your hand and began to root through it, letting out a deep exhale. With your own sigh, you brought your hand up to rub your forehead in frustration, beginning to mumble to yourself.

"I forgot to text Dana and Hayden. Christ, this is-" You stopped mid-sentence to rub your eyes, your frustration and tiredness ever-growing. "What a night." You sourly joked to yourself, wanting to collapse at any moment. You took a few moments to quickly type out a few texts to your friends, wincing at the fact that you had several missed messages from the both of them. Nathan had presumably found your key in the meantime, unlocking the door and handing the key back to you, before ushering Kate in during the process. The second she entered the room, Kate made her way onto your bed, stretching out on the top of your sheets. With another sigh, you quickly turned to Nathan and asked him to stay for just a few more moments, so you could get Kate some water. Despite the annoyance that exuded through his eye-roll, he made no verbal protests, and so you sped off to finish your last goal.

It only took a few moments, but by the time you had returned, Kate had curled up on her side on your bed, almost asleep. Nathan had taken the time to busy himself in wandering around your room, observing the various knick-knacks on your desk and on your walls. He seemed to almost forget himself for a moment, turning to you with slightly widened eyes. "It's just like-" He stopped, his mouth settling into a slight frown as he saw you sit at the edge of your bed, where you attempted to stir Kate awake to give her the water. "Are you done?" His voice fell flat, his question coming across as more of a statement than anything. 

"Yeah, sorry. But - before you go, do you need bandages or, um, Neosporin or anything? I think I have some in my first aid kit." You began to fret, getting up from your bed and beginning to rifle through the drawers in your desk. When Nathan didn't answer, you turned to look at him, briefly confused by the incredulous look he was giving you. It took you a moment to understand his confusion. 

"Oh! Um, I saw- when you were helping me carry Kate, I saw that your knuckles were raw and like, almost bleeding, I think? It was dark so I couldn't see too well, but-" You had begun to ramble, pulling various sized band-aids out of your first aid kit, now refusing to look at the boy. Luckily, he stopped you with a curt 'no,' followed by a quick shake of his head. You slowly nodded in return, before following up with a soft, "Thanks."

"Yeah it's- whatthefuckever." Nathan dismissed your gratitude with a wave of his hand, now bouncing on the balls of his feet. He lingered where he stood for a few moments, sending you a pointed stare. You waited, as he opened his mouth to say something, before he quickly closed it and stalked off and out of your room without another word. You pursed your lips together, staring at the door in thought, until you were snapped out of it by the feeling of your phone buzzing.

**dont thnk this makes us frnds.**

Too tired to put up with his sour mood, you typed out a quick response that you hoped would be the end of it. 

**Thanks again for helping. Sorry to have bugged you.**

Anddespite the buzzing still coming from your phone, you flipped it so the screen was down, going to crash on your couch instead. Sleep couldn't come to you fast enough, and it almost never did. 


	6. As You Are

_Crash!_

_A low rumbling, followed by a loud clap of thunder, reverberated through your core. You had come to expect it by now._

_"'No, Nate, the storm isn't supposed to hit 'til tomorrow!'" Nathan's voice rang out, high-pitched in the mockery he made of your own voice. His gaze was dead-set on you, with his eyes blown comically wide to feign a sense of wonder and excitement._

_"Hey!" You accusingly pointed a finger at the boy in return. "It was sunny on our way up here and you know it! It's not_ **_my_ ** _fault the weather decided to switch it up on us last minute!"_

 _The both of you sat on top a creaky wooden floor. The floor was slightly damp, due to the water leak spilling through the cracks of the old shed roof. The wooden beams of the building seemed to rasp and groan with each heavy gust of wind and rain. An occasional rough drop or stream of water could be heard, as it ricocheted off of the collection of small wood and metal figurines and knick-knacks that sat atop a work bench that was tucked away in the corner._ _Musing to yourself, you noted that you'd have to inform your dad about the leak in the work shed. At this rate of the rain , part of the wood works would begin to rot, and the metal sculptures would begin to rust over._

_"Ugh, I know, but I still don't see why we couldn't have just gone to Two Whale's again, or some other shit like that. But no-o-o, 'let's go on a fucking picnic,' she said. 'It'll be fun,' she said." With each turn of phrase, Nathan's voice rose higher and higher in pitch, returning to the earlier tone he had used to mimic you. At his own words, though, Nathan jumped up to his feet and made his way towards the workbench in the corner, where a basket lay momentarily forgotten. Resting on top of the basket was a decent sized blanket, mostly undeterred by the rain, if only dampened by the leaks in the roof._

_"Wait!" At the sudden raise of your voice, Nathan whipped his head back around to stare at you, an exasperated look on his face. "Dig to the bottom of the basket, there's- there's some cookies in there, but they were supposed to be for the end. Then it started raining, and I forgot about them and-" As you began to ramble, you could tell that Nathan was no longer listening, as he began to furiously root through the basket. After a few moments of opening and closing and re-opening small packages, he procured a small tin that held a small assortment of the sweets. A more passive look settled over the boy's face as he carried over the container and the blanket, heading to crouch down in front of you. He opened the container and peered down at the cookies._

_"So, you've just been holding back on me this whole time, huh? Can't fucking trust anyone anymore." A playful edge laced Nathan's voice as he shook his head, the corners of his mouth turning up the slightest._

_"Oh, no!" Your eyes widened in exaggerated dismay, fighting back a smile that mirrored that of Nathan's. "Please, accept my sincerest apology with...these cookies as a peace offering!" As you spoke, you attempted to maintain a tone of apologetic desperation. It only lasted for so long, as the boy's accusatory squint at your dramatics resulted in a few giggles slipping out of you._

_There's a few moments of near quiet, where all you can hear is the rain. Nathan moved to sit down on the ground next to you, pulling part of the blanket around his back and shoulders. He handed the opposite corner over to you, you following in his footsteps as you wrapped the remainder of the blanket around your own shoulders. At the close proximity, Nathan purposefully leaned in sightly, to nudge your neighboring shoulder with his own._

_"I don't know, there's some better peace offerings that I can think of." He glanced down at you out of the corner of his eye, a sly grin quickly spreading across his face as you almost immediately scrunched up your nose in return._

_"Never mind, I take it back." You reached forward to grab the cookie tin, pulling it closer to your side and away from Nathan. "You're not allowed to have them anymore," you said, as you furrowed your brows and pointedly turned your face away from him._

_"Oh, like that's fair! C'mon-" He slightly turned where he sat, reaching his arm across you to grab for the tin on your other side. Due to the tin being partially covered by the blanket and being blocked by you, he struggled to fully grasp onto it. You squirmed where you sat, still attempting to keep the box away for a just a few moments more, until you suddenly straightened your back with a start, lightly pushing Nathan's arm off of you._

_"Wait, wait- look, listen!" You held up a finger and craned your head, as if attempting to get a better sound on something. "The rain's finally been letting up. It's just a drizzle now!"_

_Outside the doorway to the shed, just a slight pattering of rain could still be seen. The sound had softened, and the visible puddles outside were no longer running and pooling together. The earlier splash-back and ricochet of heavy rain had died down, resulting in a softer, slower rain altogether. Things were looking lighter._

_Nathan relented on his fight for the sweets, now turning to look out the doorway. "Thank god, I thought it'd never-"_

_Cr-ack!_

_You flinched at the sudden, now unexpected jolt of thunder, the sound shaking and echoing throughout the room. Nathan's eyes quickly flickered down to you as you pursed your lips into a near pout, beginning to fold in on yourself as the skies opened once again, the rain returning in full force. It was then that you felt a slight tug and tension, both on the blanket and on your back, as he reached an arm around to grasp your edge of the blanket, pulling its weight tighter around the both of you._

_"Fucking hell, of course it had to get worse. What a-" Nathan's voice tapered into a grumble, closing his eyes momentarily in the process. When he reopened them, he looked down at you with a slight pout that almost matched your own, albeit a bit more frustrated than sad. "Just pass me the damn cookies."_

~

Still half-asleep, you stretched where you lay, not quite wanting to get up yet.

A familiar, faint, low rumbling made it's way into the room, yet, in your tiredness, you were still not prepared for the loud _crash!_ that followed through, signaling the storm that was raging on outside. You sat up with a start, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to ease the fogginess that was still clinging to you from your sleep.

What time had you fallen asleep at anyways? You remembered tossing and turning for most of the night, despite how tired you were feeling, after the events of the party.

Quickly, you blinked a few times as your eyes were still adjusting, but you turned to look at your bed in concern. Kate, who had passed out in your room last night, was no where to be seen. A short spike of worry stabbed through your chest at the lack of the girl, as, based on her previous state, you wanted to make sure that she hadn't gotten hurt or that there wasn't anything you had missed when it came to checking in on her. After taking a deep breath, though, you had realized: It had taken you hours to fall asleep, and Kate had not left during that time; otherwise you would have noticed. It must have been later than you thought, then, as you presumed that she must have woken up earlier and merely headed back to her room.

A short note on the bed quickly confirmed that.

_[Y/N] -_

_thank you so much for being there for me last night and making sure I was okay! I didn't want to worry or wake you, so please text me when you get up:)_

You smiled at the note Kate had scrawled out on a scratch piece of paper, finding it all the more endearing that she had thought to leave the note in the first place instead of just texting you.

Still moving about rather tiredly, you had thought it best to send Kate a quick text, before you went about getting ready for the day. As you sent the girl a short text and a promise to meet with her, whenever she could, you couldn't help but wince with a certain tiredness and apprehension settling over you. You had just noticed that it was now noon, and you had several missed messages once again.

You were relieved to see that, this time, most of the missed messages were _not_ from Dana and Hayden. Much less relieving, on the other end, however, was that most of them had been from Nathan. You read through your previous messages before moving on to the new, not quite understanding what he could have needed to talk to you about.

**[10/04 - 11:33pm]**

_**dont thnk this makes us frnds.** _

**Thanks again for helping. Sorry to have bugged you.** ****

_**id say that you owe me but that means youd actually have to fukin talk to me** _

_**and we obviusly cant have that** _

**[10/05 - 1:05am]**

_**actually idc abt whatever ur doing anymore, we need to talk** _

**[10:25am]**

_**just know that when i see u we ARE talking this is so fukin stupid** _

The confrontational tone of the texts made you fold in on yourself, as conflicting feelings made their way back into your head, stirring up things you had been trying to avoid. With a quick shake of your head, though, you quickly tapped out a response, checking in on him and explaining for how you just woke up.

As you tentatively waited for a response, you began to get ready for the day, listening to the sound of the storm as you moved about. You had moved slowly, stretching out the minutes. Based on the texts, you figured that he wouldn't give up until he spoke his piece, but you couldn't even begin to fathom what he could want to talk about.

And at the new text message that buzzed in shortly, alerting you that he'd meet you at your dorm, you realized that you wouldn't get any sort of clarity anyways. Not until the conversation was good and over.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry, I feel like the chapters have been kind of short, and while I would normally make them longer, the other sites I post on are better formatted for shorter chapters, and so I think i will be sticking with the shorter chapter length! Have the chapter lengths felt okay, or have they felt too short though??  
> Other than the chapter lengths, I've been kinda happy with how this is going, I've been having a fun time writing it! However, if you guys have any writing or characterization advice, I would love to hear it!!  
> Thank you for reading!!:)


	7. A Rude Awakening

Laying back on your bed, you stared up at the ceiling, hoping to bring your mind to a still. The rumbling sound of thunder had quieted, and you had grown to miss its familiarity, although the pattering of the heavy rain against your window still soothed your ears. When the rain wasn't enough, you fiddled with the wooden dragonfly figurine that you held in between your hands. Running your fingers over the grooves and the grain of the wood stilled your other senses. It helped you in your attempt to keep your mind from running too far, as it trained your focus on the contrasting feeling of the coarse grain against the smooth inline of the wing patterning; soft one way, rough the next.

Falling under the spell of the soothing sensations, you briefly closed your eyes, finding the most stillness and peace you have in the past few days. 

It was far too short-lived.

A rough knock brought your mind back to your body, your heart rate rising just the slightest. Slowly, you opened your eyes and sat up, swinging your legs off the bed. They felt heavy, as if filled with a weight that you weren't sure you could carry at the moment. But, you knew that a conversation had to come at _some_ point, whether you wanted it to or not; whether you actually knew what it was about or not. 

As you opened the door, you barely had time to take a look at the boy in front of you, as he darted right on in and took a seat on the edge of the large plush brown chair that was situated on the far wall, opposite your bed. 

Trying to keep some distance between the two of you, you returned to sit at the edge of your bed once again, sinking into the soft quilt that lay atop it. You stayed silent, looking at Nathan, hoping that he'd shortly speak his mind and let you know what was going on. It would be easiest to get everything through and over with as quickly as possible. He seemed to pointedly look away from you, though, and stare directly out the window instead. His leg tapped erratically, no rhyme or rhythm to the sense of it. You furrowed your brows as you took in more of his appearance, frowning slightly as you did so. His normally combed-back hair was wet and rough and tousled, falling more around his face. The falling strands of hair pointed towards a scarring red on the side of his cheek, trailing into a speckling of dark purple that seemed to grow and grow, yet you couldn't see how much, as his face still pointed towards the window.

"Hey." The crease in your brows set in further, as you spoke up softly, calling Nathan's attention to you. The corners of his eyes darted over towards you, but he didn't quite fully turn to face you. Nerves and tensions clashed, creating an all around uneasy atmosphere in the room. You had narrowed down the potential confrontation to two topics, but Nathan's new appearance stirred about new questions and sent your mind reeling. You figured that his could only be doing the same, albeit with a different perspective. "My...offer on bandages and Neosporin still stands, you know." 

Despite the frown settling deeper onto your face, you attempted to start things off as lightly as possible. You couldn't help the concern that laced your voice, though, as it reverberated through the silent room, save for the sound of the rain still hitting against the glass. Nathan still refused to meet your gaze, letting out a deep, shaky exhale. At his silence, you moved to grab your first aid kit from your desk, and, at Nathan's own movement over to the mirror by your dresser, you were able to finally get a glimpse of his full face.

The harsh, rough red skin that you could previously see was trailing its way into a heavy purple bruise, speckled and hardening on Nathan's cheekbone, directly under his eye. A few short and light scratches lined the profile of his jawline and his temple, all erratic and jagged. Dripping from his nose was the faintest smearing of blood, still slightly runny as it dripped down to the upper line of his lip, curving and running along it. 

In your grip, stiff and awkward, you handed the first aid kit over to Nathan, before quickly turning away, going to procure a small hand towel from your shower kit. Gently, still without saying much, you dampened the towel with a nearly empty water bottle and placed it on the dresser near Nathan, planning to let him get to it on his own time. 

Nathan seemed to hesitate, though, as you watched him tightly grip the edge of your dresser instead, his knuckles turning white. It contrasted with the raw redness that was still present from the night before. 

"Can I-" You tentatively tried to speak up, but your voice fell quiet, tapering off and blending in with the rain. Nathan filled in the gaps and tightened his grip on the dresser, letting out a low hiss.

" _Don't_ \- don'tfucking touch me." His hands shaking, he finally picked up the towel and began to dab at the blood and light scratches on his face. 

Sitting at the edge of your bed once again, you resumed fumbling with the dragonfly figurine, much as you had earlier. As you absentmindedly ran your fingers over the figure, feeling it between your hands, you found more of a grounded resolve, and found your voice once again as well. "This...seems very recent." You started slowly, indirectly speaking about his wounds. "What happened?"

"Graham tried to corner me in the parking lot." Nathan's answer was clipped, and he briefly lowered his hand, pausing his clean-up. His gaze flickered and met yours in the reflection of the mirror he was using, before he quickly turned it back to his own reflection, continuing to tend to his face. "But Warren fucking Graham doesn't know shit." He tensed his jaw as he spoke, his grip on the towel now tightening as his motions grew rougher. 

"Are you saying that-" You tilted your head, closing your eyes for a moment before letting out a soft exhale. "Why would Warren beat you up?" You knew Nathan had no reason to lie, but you had no idea why Warren would suddenly do such a thing, or that he was even capable of it. Had him and Warren ever even been on each others radar?

"God, he only fucking _wishes_ he could beat me up." Nathan's eyes darkened as he let out a biting, sardonic laugh before continuing. "No, he just tried to start shit but he had no clue what he was talking about. I was trying to get away from this fucking place, and he saw me in the parking lot and, I don't know, thought he could confront me or something?" Nathan's voice rose in pitch and anger the more he spoke, as you listened intently, your frown settling deeper onto your face.

"And he- Fuck, you don't even know yet." At this point in the conversation, Nathan turned to face you, now leaning back against your dresser. His voice suddenly dropped and fell flat, as if he would rather talk about anything else _but_ the current conversation at hand _._ "There's a rumor going around that Marsh and I are hooking up."

You blinked a few times, processing the words he just said. 

"There's- what? That doesn't make any sense. Like-" You dropped your head into your hands, lightly pressing your fingers into your temples. "First of all, Kate doesn't hook up with people. Ever. And I know how you feel about her, and if everybody else knew even the slightest, they'd know that hooking up with her would be the _last_ thing you'd do. You can barely even stand to talk to her." With your final words, your voice tapered off into a tight-lipped mumble. Talking about Kate with Nathan was a touchy subject for you, one that you weren't quite yet ready to address. If the scowl on his face was any indicator, he didn't want to talk about that as much as you did. Yet, considering how he had helped you bring Kate back to your dorm last night, the conversation about the new developments seemed to be a necessary evil. 

"That's what I tried to tell Warren. Hell, Kate would be _luckier_ if I was the one who started the rumor, but he didn't believe it. You know that ass that was following you guys last night?" Nathan tilted his head as he looked at you, his voice now growing more and more tired. You simply nodded in return, encouraging him to go on. "I had to nearly knock him out to get him to stop, and naturally someone fucking recorded it." His annoyance and disdain became more evident, as his fingers began to erratically tap against the dresser he was leaning against. 

"But he's been telling everybody that he scored with Kate at the party, and- since nobody here knows how to mind their own fucking business, they got all weird and shit and decided that I must've fought him because I 'wanted Kate for myself.'" As he finished, Nathan provided exaggerated air-quotes, all too fed up with the situation as a look of exasperation settled over his face. 

In spite of his exasperation, though, a hard, gnawing pit settled deep in your stomach. How was Kate handling this all? Two separate rumors swirling around her, both about something that you knew she viewed so personally and vulnerably. And considering that rumors always spread like wildfire, you knew that people must have already been harassing Kate about them, seeing if they could either get more gossip or just merely get a rise out of the girl. Still trying to wrap your head around the rumors and Nathan's multiple wounds, all you were currently able to understand for yourself was that people could be disgusting, and all you wanted to do was check in on your friend. 

In a brief moment of panic, you quickly checked your phone, hoping to see that Kate responded to you, and you just missed the notification. The gnawing pit grew deeper in your stomach when you noticed she hadn't answered. 

You must have been making a face at this, you realized, as Nathan snapped you out of it when he unabashedly cut in. 

"Trust me when I say that it could be a lot fucking worse. It's not like she-" His gaze darted to the floor and he blinked a few times, his eyebrows furrowing for just the quickest second. Just as fast as he looked down, he regained his focus and looked back up. "It's not like she got it like Rachel did. There's some photo going around of that, and everyone's just all over it." 

You closed your eyes and let out a low, soft sigh. "Oh my god, I still need to text her. But- what happened? Is she okay?" Tired concern laced your voice. You had been awake for about 45 minutes, maybe an hour at most. Hearing and seeing nothing but bad news about your friends in that short time span was very draining, to say the least. What could you do? Sure, you could promise and try your best to be there for them, but in seeing how you had already forgot to text Rachel, you currently felt like any promises you made would be fruitless. 

"Yeah, nothing happened to her. She just left with that- You know Bowers, right? I know you've heard us talk about him before." You understood the 'us' to be referring to some of your mutual friends in the Vortex Club, and you merely nodded in response. "Yeah, there's a photo going around of her getting into his RV or some shit, so everyone's been going crazy over it. It's so fucking stupid though cause-" Nathan threw his head back, staring up at the ceiling and lightly shaking his head to himself. When he couldn't seem to find his words, you filled in the gaps to the best of your ability.

"Are all your Vortex parties like this?" Not wanting to fuel the rumors any further, you made a passive joke about how quickly everything unfolded in one night, with a strained, tired grin playing at your face. 

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Nathan's eyebrows quirked up, his gaze still on the ceiling. "Don't make a habit of showing up. Clearly, this all happened 'cause you stepped out of line and just _had_ to make an appearance." He slowly lowered his gaze back down. His eyes seemed distant, somewhere else, as they betrayed the teasing tone in his voice. 

Your smile had softened, a brief look of concern flashing over your face. There was so much you wanted to ask Nathan, but, you didn't want to push your luck. Things had been relatively civil so far today, and almost better, but you weren't sure how far it would go. As such, you had wanted to settle for more passivity instead. "Right, because _I_ was the one who took the photo, punched a dude, and started every single rumor last night. It was _obviously_ all my fault." Your concern always got the best of you, though, and, your mouth moving faster than your mind, you still ended up pushing on with your worry. 

"But, um- how are you doing? Besides the-" You loosely gestured to your own face with your finger, earning a snort out of Nathan. If you weren't so worried, you would be laughing yourself. "If Warren, of all people, already tried to corner you, are you- You're already getting a lot of shit for it, right?" You smiled, weakly and sympathetically, only receiving an eye-roll in return. 

"It's definitely nothing new, and definitely not the worst I've heard. If people wanna start shit, they can do a lot better than this." Despite the assuredness to Nathan's words, they held a certain despondency to them, to his tone. As if he recognized the tone himself, Nathan quickly changed the subject. "But, what about you? You sound absolutely shitty." The side of his mouth tipped up the slightest as he poked fun at how tired you appeared. "I mean, look- I think you've got eye bags and everything!" He exaggeratedly squinted, slightly leaning forwards off the dresser, as if to get a closer look at you.

"Hey!" You protested in vain, as you knew you both looked and sounded tired. "In my defense, I barely got any sleep, just woke up not too long ago, and _then_ I find out that all my friends are going through it all kind of roughly. It's a lot to process." You nodded slowly to yourself, feigning a melodramatic solemness. 

Truthfully, you did feel overwhelmed by everything in the moment; it _was_ all a lot to process and take in. But, you knew that this wasn't about you, and that is was your friends who were getting the brunt of it. You partially felt as if you didn't have the right to feel as tired as you did, but it couldn't be controlled. 

There's a pause between the two of you, neither of you looking at the other for a moment. You turn your gaze to your hands, as you pick up the wooden dragonfly and begin to fiddle with it once again, not quite sure where to go from here. You hadn't been expecting things to go this far in the first place, anyways. Was this what he wanted to talk about? Or did it all change, thanks to his fight in the parking lot? Too much had happened, and it was far too much to still try and wrap your head around.

"Have you had-" Nathan began, breaking the silence roughly, before he quickly stopped himself, recollecting and rephrasing his thoughts. "Do you still drink a shit ton of coffee?"

"I think I've been drinking it more than ever. And honestly, my head is kinda starting to kill me, I haven't had any yet today." You winced slightly, a terse smile making its way to your face. It had been a habit of yours for a while, one that you had always meant to relax and cut down on, but, instead you always seemed to drink it more and more. 

Nathan raised his eyebrows in an accusatory fashion, his tone light. "God, no wonder you sound like shit, then!" The sound of his fingers drumming against your dresser once again indicated a certain level of anxiety, however. 

"Because Graham fucking cornered me in the parking lot, I never made it out to eat." He looked at you expectantly, almost slightly nervously, but when you didn't get the hint quick enough, Nathan kept things pushing right on ahead. He didn't seem too happy about it though, and was more frustratedly embarrassed than anything, his voice rising in pitch. "Can we just...go and get coffee or something? Obviously you need it, and I just want to get the hell out of here." He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes darting around the room and looking everywhere except for you. 

At this, you froze for a moment. Everything had been moving a little too fast, and, as calm as things have been today, you hadn't expected in a long while to hang out with Nathan again. And, first and foremost, you still wanted to check in on Kate. You still hadn't heard back from her, and your ever-growing fear and concern over the girl and the rumor was nonstop. The pit in your stomach was still digging and digging, deeper and deeper. 

"I should probably-" At the gnawing in your stomach, you were fully prepared to turn down Nathan, as you truly felt that you should be checking in on Kate. You took a quick glance at your phone, twisting your lips into a frown when you saw that you still had no response. Still, you figured that you should be around, as, judging by the note Kate left on your bed this morning, she had been planning on meeting up with you some time shortly today, right?

But, when you looked back up, you weren't expecting to see two deep blue eyes so nervously and earnestly staring into yours. You couldn't help but to agree, in spite of the guilt that the pit has now morphed its way into. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i'm so sorry, i feel like this chapter was a little too slow moving, but I think the scene in it and the stuff it sets up is necessary! I'm still getting used to the pacing of how i want this story to go, so sorry if the pacing is still a little wonky rip. i hope that, overall though, it has been p decent, like, not too fast but not too slow! if anything still seems to be weird or awkward, though, lmk so i can try my best to work on it!!


	8. Tired and True

You inwardly winced, as you watched Nathan flinch and let out a low hiss, when the steaming hot coffee touched the raw skin along his upper lip.

"Don't look at me like that. It's fine." His eyes quickly averted from yours, as he stared down into his mug of coffee instead.

You twisted your mouth into a look of discontent, contrasting against the softness that you held in your voice. "I still think I could've done better."

Before you and Nathan had left for the diner, you had managed to convince him to let you touch up his scratches and bruises. At the rate you guys had been talking in your dorm, he had gotten little to none of it done. On top of that, his hands had been perpetually shaking, making it harder to effectively clean his face. Despite all of this, though, it took some persistence on your end, as Nathan wanted to move as quickly as possible to leave Blackwell, bruises and scratches be damned.

At your ever-enduring concern, Nathan rolled his eyes before resuming his attempt to drink his coffee, albeit much slower this time, in an attempt to avoid burning himself.

"Y'know, I don't think you told me yet what actually happened in the parking lot." You questioningly tilted your head to the side, catching Nathan's attention at this. "You said that Warren cornered you, but then we started talking about...all those rumors. Did Warren _actually_ beat you up?" You still had trouble trying to wrap your head around it. But, at the snort that Nathan let out, your mind came to a halt, as you now focused on the boy in front of you instead of letting your thoughts run away again. 

"He probably wanted to. But, no. I don't know what's more embarrassing though - saying that I got beat up by some nerd, or saying that my ass got handed to me by the fucking floor." The more he spoke, the more Nathan started to slink down into his seat, his shoulders hunching in over themselves. You quickly shook your head, understanding even less now. At your urging, Nathan begrudgingly continued to explain his brief confrontation.

"Like I said, Graham probably _did_ want to beat me up. He caught up to me in the parking lot, and when I just tried to get to my fucking car, he tried to - he tried to pull me back or some shit, so naturally I pushed him the fuck away. But-" Nathan paused, quickly glancing out the diner window, at the rain pounding against the glass. "Since it's such a shit show outside, we both went flying across the parking lot instead. He probably doesn't look much better than I do."

You nodded in understanding, beginning to speak up slowly. "Honestly, I'm kind of relieved to hear that there wasn't an actual fight." Although you were still worried, you _were_ genuinely glad that the situation hadn't escalated and became even more serious than you had thought. At Nathan's look of confusion, though, you pressed on. "What, with you already getting into a fight at the party, it'd be awful if you got into another, all over something you didn't even start in the first place!"

"Oh, but haven't you noticed? I just love to be the talk of the town." He flashed a tired, sarcastic grin as he ran his hand through his hair. The slight dampness it carried from the rain highlighted its natural waviness, as it fell right back in place around the upper frame of his face.

"More like the town just loves to talk about _you_." You frowned as you said so, a wave of annoyance washing over you. Before you could dwell on your growing frustration and sympathy, though, Nathan's quick comment shut it down.

"Who wouldn't? With a face and a name like this," He exaggeratedly gestured to his face, highlighting the bruising along his cheekbone. "I'd be talking about me too."

You hid your amusement behind your coffee, looking down into the mug as you took your last few sips. You couldn't fight off your persistent laughter for too long though, quickly breaking down into a few bubbling giggles with a retort of your own. "For sure! I mean, I definitely think it's your best look yet. Really brings out your eyes." Your gaze quickly flickered up and peered over at Nathan from behind your mug, your eyes widening slightly dramatically as you said so, as if you were in awe of the way he looked.

Nathan froze and tensed for a moment, an assortment of emotions flashing across his face. You mirrored his action as you thought you might have finally pushed your luck, might have forgotten who and where you were for a moment. But, the debilitating insecurity was gone as fast as it came, as he answered after a beat of silence. 

"God, I'm glad _someone_ fucking agrees with me." Nathan leaned his head back against the booth, throwing his hand up into the air in a feigned sense of exasperation. His stare seemed half-lidded from his position, his eyes focusing on you from under his lashes. The faintest of smiles tugged at his lips, and you couldn't help but to return it, your eyes crinkling upwards with the gentle feeling.

There's a brief lull of silence while the waitress eventually brings over your food, and you apologetically ask her if you could possibly get more coffee. Nathan had already began to eat, while you stared out the window, waiting on your refill. Elbow on the table, you placed your chin in your hand, watching the raindrops spatter and trickle down the fogging glass. There was still the occasional rumble of thunder, and the rain was still coming down heavily, though the storm was no where near as rough as it had been compared to when you first woke up.

Despite the silence between the two of you, the diner was loud in between the sounds of the rain, the jukebox, and the chatter between the other customers and employees. It left you to drown in your thoughts by yourself, as you felt your earlier insecurity creeping up once again.

 _Had_ you gone too far? Should you even be here? Sure, Kate hadn't answered your text yet, but maybe you should've been trying harder to check in on her. You began to gnaw on your lower lip, your fingers tapping at a pace that rivaled your reeling thoughts. Not only had you been stalling on Kate, but you had been flaking on Rachel, forgetting to catch up and not even saying a single thing yet, not even to see how she was doing. You shouldn't be here, and especially not with Nathan of all people, acting as if everything was fine, as if you guys could just start right back where things left off.

A light, short tap to your foot send your mind crashing back into your body, back onto the ground. You blinked a few times, turning from the window towards Nathan, only to see him slowly pulling your mug of coffee across the table towards him.

"I forgot how wigged out coffee could make you sometimes. You good there?" He quirked up one of his eyebrows, a look of amused bewilderment coming across in his expression.

With a frown, you reached over to pull your coffee back towards you, only to have your hand lightly swatted away.

"No, definitely not." A taunting grin slowly spread across his face, as Nathan continued to speak. "Any more coffee and your either gonna knock yourself out or go bouncing off the walls. I'm not risking that right now!"

"It's only my second cup, this is nothing! Plus, I only fell asleep, like...once or twice after drinking too much coffee. I swear it won't happen again." You widened your eyes in an attempt to make a faux plea, feigning innocence, but it was to no avail. If anything, it seemed to make your case worse, as Nathan squinted his eyes at you in an accusatory fashion.

" _Only_ once or twice? Nice try, but it was definitely more than that and you know it."

"Okay, so _maybe_ it was more like, once or twice a week." Your lightheartedly rolled your eyes, playing at being annoyed at the notion of having been caught. 

"Yeah, and I'm _still_ pissed about, like, at least half of the fucking times that it happened, considering I somehow always ended up as your damn pillow." Despite his words, Nathan's voice held an amused tone, his eyes lighting up as he lightly tapped against your foot with his once again. Caught up in the conversation, though, you didn't fully notice and instinctually tapped back as you gasped, covering up a near snort at his feigned exasperation.

"Oh my god, I still don't get why you'd never just wake me up, though. It really could've been avoided so easily, y'know!" 

"You must've never seen your eye bags, then, cause you clearly needed the sleep." He turned his head to the side, seemingly now avoiding your gaze. You took this moment to make another half-hearted attempt to get your coffee back, only to be thwarted again. "If you don't start eating your food, I'm gonna take that from you too."

You furrowed your brows in frustration, pretending to pout as you let Nathan pointedly snatch a fry off of your plate. But as you did so, for barely even a moment, you internally recoiled in on yourself.

The gnawing, guilty pit that was buried deep in your stomach returned, just there enough to be noticeable. It was almost an embarrassing feeling, you realized, at how easily you were able to forget about everything when you were talking to Nathan. You turned your head to look out at and observe the diner and its customers, desperately hoping that the warmth you felt in your cheeks wasn't noticeable.

You weren't sure if looking away was better or worse for your case in the long-run, but, you supposed you didn't matter either way, as it wouldn't change the fact that Victoria was approaching your table. Maybe if you had looked sooner, you would have had the chance to steady your nerves for just a second longer, but, on the other hand, they would be gone just as readily as you got them back.

The stylish girl seemed to stall as she approached the table, as she took in Nathan's appearance. While the two of you did as much as you could to improve his condition, it still looked rough, especially with how new the wounds were.

"What the hell happened to you? You didn't say a thing about-" Victoria started off stiffly, her hands clenching and fretting with the hem of her cardigan. With a quick glance over to you, though, she regained her composure and smoothed out her sweater, before sliding into the seat next to Nathan. You offered a polite wave to Victoria, to which she returned, albeit in a bitter manner. 

A thick tension settled over the table, clinging to the air and concentrating itself over your shoulders. The heavy weight it carried pushed down the pit deeper within your stomach, as it hardened into a manifestation of the guilts and insecurities of the past and present that you carried with you. The only thing currently tethering you still to the ground was the feeling of Nathan's leg just barely up against yours. It was erratically bouncing up and down beneath the table, and if the way he was also currently picking at his fingers was any indicator, this was more of a shock to him than it was to you.

"What are you doing here, Vic? I thought we weren't going out 'till later." His voice held a slight edge to it, just enough to reflect the current tension that still clung in the air. None of it seemed to phase Victoria, though, as she brushed Nathan off with an air of nonchalantness, rolling her eyes as she spoke.

"Oh, I know. But when you said that you were meeting up with [Y/N], I just _had_ to come along! For old time's sake and all that, you know how it is." She cast a sickly-sweet smile in your direction, one which you returned as a nervous, tight-lipped smile. 

"And you couldn't...y'know, text me as a heads up or anything? Some type of warning would've been nice." Nathan's rebuttal only confirmed what you were thinking. There was something going on, that much you could tell, but you knew you wouldn't get any sort of clear answer from Victoria.

"Oh, come on, we're all friends here, right? It's not a big deal! And to be honest, anyways, I'm surprised that you're both still here." At this, Victoria leaned in more attentively towards you, her elbows resting on the table. The sweet smile she had been sending you eased its way into near crocodile tears, as she put on an air of dramatic concern. "I mean, I think poor Katie's just been looking _everywhere_ for you, [Y/N]! Haven't you heard from her yet today?"

The pit nearly exploded in your stomach as the weight on your shoulders plummeted, riddling your body in its entirety with all its senses of guilt and insecurity. You _knew_ what Victoria's bait was, and, without needing anymore clues, you were able to figure out what she was playing at. And yet, still without a second thought, you pulled out your phone to get in touch with Kate. You ignored the stare now boring into your head as you did so.

You didn't have any unread messages from Kate, and you knew you wouldn't, but you couldn't help but to frantically send her a follow-up message from your last, asking if she'd like to meet up soon. Your worry aways got the best of you and, with your heart now in your throat, you already began to get ready to leave, your food and coffee long forgotten as you pulled out enough money to cover your expenses. 

"You're not-" A sharp voice cut in, the bouncing of Nathan's leg no longer your tether to reality, but now rather quite the opposite. "Are you really already doing this?" With the way he was staring, you could swear you felt holes being drilled into your skull and as he saw right through you, right through everything you were feeling and thinking. 

"I should- I mean, Victoria's right. I probably shouldn't even have been here this long anyways, I should've been there for Kate sooner." You mouth fell into a soft frown, as you looked around, making eye contact with anyone and anything besides Nathan. If you stayed for much longer, you knew you wouldn't be able to leave, and Victoria's bait was a way out for you, even if she hadn't meant for it to work in your favor. 

You had meant what you said about Kate, about believing you should have been there sooner, but, on a deeper level, you didn't truly want a way out. But, things had been moving too fast lately, to the point where you didn't know how to process much of it. You had gotten too comfortable in such a short amount of time, and if you kept it up at this rate, you would fall right back in and wouldn't be able to make your way back out.

"Aw, how sweet of you, [Y/N]! You've always been such a good friend." Victoria's condescending words cut through your growing discomfort, bringing your head back down to the physical reality of the situation. She rested her chin her hand, seemingly pleased with how things were playing out, as she gave you the final push you needed to get moving and leaving. Her contentment didn't last long though, as Nathan, although unintentionally, momentarily burst her plans.

"You don't even have a way back right now. It's pouring, and I'm not exactly in a fucking hurry to drive us back to the school." As he spoke, he slunk down in his seat, receding further into the booth. Still picking at the tips and edges of his fingers, Nathan appeared wounded and coiled, his body being held together tightly by his own agitated mannerisms. 

You barely even paused for a moment, though, before you placed your money on the table, still getting ready to leave. "It's fine, I'll take the bus. The next one should be here in like, 10 minutes anyways." 

"God, of course you fucking would." Nathan suddenly sat up, now leaning in on the table, his shoulders heavily hunching over as they followed his stiff, heavy movements. "Anything for Kate Marsh, right?" The bitterness in the way he spat out her name set your entire being on edge. This wasn't the first time you had heard him talk like this, but it had been long enough, and hearing it over Kate of all people sent a rush of anger through your chest. 

You didn't want to play into it, and you couldn't.

At your best, trying to remain civil, you offered up a strained, polite 'goodbye,' without so much as a passing glance back as you left. It was all you could do to keep from turning around and falling back in, as the hurt and frustration in Nathan's voice still rung in your ears. 


	9. Think It Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!! i'm so sorry, this chapter is like, 99% flashback?? I've been breaking up the flashbacks and placing them where I think they fit best, thematically speaking, and so I originally had a part planned out that was supposed to come w/this flashback, all in the same chapter. As I was writing, though, I really just kept going and going with the scene, like, way longer than I meant to, and so the flashback ended up as its own chapter!! The present time-line part I had planned is still gonna be happening, but it'll just be in the next chapter instead of this one, because if I placed them both in this one chapter, i think it'd end up too long/convoluted d(>_･ )  
> thanks for bearing with me as I'm still figuring out the pacing of this story though!! im also very sorry, i feel like some parts are v dialogue heavy, while others are v text-based/description heavy ??? and !! im posting this fic on like, 3 different sites that all use different formats and styles, and so im trying to find a good medium in my writing style that should work for all the sites, but im still kinda struggling with that, so sorry for some of the inconsistency there as well !! overall though, I think I like where we’re at in the fic, especially w/what I’ve got planned ahead, so thank you guys for bearing w/me as I figure it out, and i hope you stick around !!!

_Propped up against the back of the red pickup, you stretched your legs out into the solid bed space. You pulled your thin jacket tighter around your shoulders, as a momentary form of protection against the chill of the cooling evening._

_From where the truck sat parked in the otherwise empty lot, you could peer across the sloping dunes of the beach, just enough to see the tips of the waves crash onto the land. The corners of your eyes crinkled up with a soft smile, as a you watched a brightly colored dragonfly dart and zip its way around the edges of the truck, bringing the soon-coming warmth of spring with it. The erratic flight pattern of the dragonfly contrasted with the cyclical, repetitive sound of the waves crashing, to which you slowed your breath down to match its pace and nature. In a moment of calm, you closed your eyes, gently sliding down where you sat to fall into a more relaxed position._

_After a few moments, you could hear the sound of footsteps and the truck door opening and closing. Feeling almost too comfortable, you just slowly started to get up, stretching as you sat up straighter. You lightly rubbed your eyes as you did so, before turning their bleary gaze over to Nathan, who now stood at the far side of the truck bed._

_"You are unbelievable, [Y/N]." Nathan enunciated each word, emphasizing his exasperation as he spoke. "I leave you for, what, 15, 20 minutes, and you're already falling asleep?"_

_With a tired grin, you shrugged, still blinking the bleariness from your eyes as you looked over at Nathan. "I swear, I had only closed my eyes for, like, a minute before you showed up! If you were any longer though, I probably would've started to fall_ _asleep." Your voice trailed off sheepishly towards the end as you made a move to sit up straighter, getting ready to hop out of the bed of the truck. You slowed to a still, though, as Nathan quickly shook his head, motioning for you to stay put. In a swift but bumbling motion, he opened the tailgate and roughly pushed himself up, clambering his way over to sit against the back of the truck. As he slid into a seated position by your side, you cast him a questioning look, tilting your head to the side. Your simple action conveyed all that you wanted to say, and Nathan answered your unspoken questions._

_"Don't worry about it, they can wait a little longer." To solidify his point, Nathan leaned deeper into your side and stretched his legs out across the bed, getting into a more relaxed position that mirrored your own earlier one._

_"Are you sure? Hayden texted me a few times to see where we were at. I don't think he can handle being near both Victoria andRachel together without you there." Despite the apprehension that laced your words, your tone came across more tired, which was further evidenced in the way you returned Nathan's gesture and leaned into his side as well, the two of you heavily shoulder-to-shoulder._

_"Hayden's already high, he can fucking deal with them." Nathan let out a sarcastic, snipped laugh at your words, and you could feel him briefly tense up against you as he did so, before slowly relaxing again. The subtle motion led you to believe that you may have overstepped somewhere along the way. With this in mind, you slowly sat up straighter and shifted your weight off of him, as you returned your gaze to the sand dunes and distant waves. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught the slightly confused look Nathan was sending your way, but it was gone by the time you turned your head to look at him. "You know why he actually keeps texting you, right?"_

_The sly, suggestive tone helped you easily place two-and-two together, and yet you stalled at the visible doubt Nathan expressed, as his eyebrows quirked slightly inwards together in apprehension._

_"Hayden's like that with everybody and you know it." Quickly overcoming your stillness, you laughed off Nathan's comment, playfully rolling your eyes as you did so. At his next few words though, you felt yourself stalling once again, your own apprehension growing within you._

_"Right, so that'swhy he was asking me if I knew anything about this guy you like!" Nathan's voice dripped with sarcastic enthusiasm, as he dramatically nodded in his pretense of understanding._ _You twisted your lips into a slight frown as Nathan spoke, with your eyes now darting to the side as you turned your head away, hoping to look at anything but him._

_In your search for a response, you opened your mouth, but stayed silent for a moment longer, before you slowly felt your senses and your thoughts come to you. "Hayden's into a different girl, like, every other week."_

_Nathan let out a puff of air in half-hearted laughter at your assessment of your friend. The corners of your mouth quirked up at his reaction, yet your features slightly strained in your contemplation once again, as you continued with your answer. "I don't think that's why he was asking you anyways, but even if it was, it's not like it'd last, y'know? He'd be over it pretty quickly."_

_"Don't sound too disappointed." A slight edge made its way behind Nathan's voice, although he attempted to keep up his bantering facade. He leaned over once again and lightly nudged your shoulder with his, angling his head to get a closer look at you. Despite the peace that had settled in the conversation, in part due to the calming atmosphere, the searching look he held sent a jolt down your back._

_"I'm not!" Your voice rose a pitch, almost too defensively and for all the wrong reasons. At your visible frustration, Nathan quirked up an eyebrow at your demeanor, attempting to keep himself collected, before he let out a snort that dissolved into a small fit of snickering."I'm- I'm really not. Hayden wasn't even supposed to know that I like anyone, and, honestly, I don't know how much he knows, or if he even knows whoit is, or-"_

_You began to ramble, your eyes slightly widening as you tried to cover all your bases without revealing too much. As it always did, this worked to the opposite of your desired effect, and only helped you dig your hole deeper. In this moment, you weren't exactly sure which hole you had dug yourself into; you had either accidentally revealed your true feelings, or you had somehow convinced Nathan that you had feelings for Hayden. Neither hole was a place that you particularly wanted to be in, but you didn't know how to work your way out of either yet._

_"[Y/N], chill." Nathan's voice drawled out, bemusement laced within it as he slowly nodded while he spoke, as if to emphasize what he was saying. When you quieted at his words, he held up his hands in a dramatic gesture of appeasement."Okay, so let's say it's not Hayden. What's up with you and this dude, then? There's no way he's worth getting this wigged out over."_

_"Oh, wouldn't you know it!" The irony of his statement had you slipping out a few laughs, despite your initial attempt to protest. Once you quickly gathered yourself, though, your tone softened along with your more genuine and serious expression. "I mean, really though, it's just-" You paused with a sigh, annoyed at your own expense. No matter how much you tried to collect your thoughts, you became a rambling mess each time you went to speak, as your mouth moved faster than your head._

_"He's a really good friend, but I think he might be into someone else. And, on the chance that he's not, I'd still be worried about making things awkward and ruining our friendship. It's like I- I just feel so stupid, sometimes, when I think about it, 'cause it really shouldn't be that serious, but I've-" You furrowed your brows in frustration as you vented out your doubts and insecurities. When you turned to look at Nathan, his searching stare from earlier had returned, albeit in a softened form, with his eyes crinkled in understanding and concern. His own lightened look melted through your burning insecurity, leaving you with only your quieted, vulnerable thoughts. "I've liked him for a while, and I just don't know how to deal with it, I guess."_

_There's a bit of silence, in which Nathan slowly blinked a few times, taking in the load of uncertainty that you had dumped out. His softened stare from earlier was gradually replaced with a deadpan one, as he bluntly drilled through all of your doubts and defenses. "_ _I think that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say."_

_You nearly slapped your hand over your mouth to cover up a snort, simultaneously appreciative and thrown off guard by the sharpness of his response. Your exaggerated reaction elicited a bark of a laugh out of him, before he shook his head, furthering on with his point. "I'm being serious, though! I mean, you tell me all of that, and I still know, like, absolutely nothing about this guy or why you're into him. You guys are friends - so what?"_

_At the brusque demeanor you had become so familiar with, your guard almost instantly dropped and you began to prattle off, poking fun at the topic you had backed yourself into. "Oh, my bad! Let me just give you detailed description of what he's like. He's about 5'10, maybe 5'11, and he was born-" Your teasing didn't last for very long, as Nathan quickly leaned over and covered your mouth with his own hand, effectively getting you to stop talking._

_"God, definitely don't do that." He raised his eyebrows expectantly before slowly removing his hand, making sure you wouldn't burst into your taunting once again. "You know exactly what I meant."_

_"I know, sorry." You fought back the growing grin on your face, as a few bubbles of laughter slipped out of you still. At Nathan's less than enthused look, you attempted to collect yourself, still fighting back a few giggles here and there. They shortly died down though when you fully took in the way he sat and was looking at you, with the first thing in your mind suddenly rushing past your lips._

_"He's, like, the prettiest person I've ever seen."_

_Nathan raised his eyebrows at your sudden exclamation, casual distaste written across his face._ _"Alright, so we're starting off pretty shallow." He quipped while nodding exaggeratedly, feigning a deep sense of listening. In spite of his pretense, the corners of his mouth turned up just the slightest with your words, egging you on._

_"I'm being serious though! He's got-" Your eyes widened slightly as you had to hold yourself back from going into too much detail, otherwise you'd wind up accidentally confessing right then and there. "...You'll just have to take my word on that."_

_Nathan let out a noncommittal grunt, merely motioning for you to continue. As he did so, you pretended to not notice the way he began to shift and sit up straighter, moving in just the slightest bit closer to you once again, the side of his arm pressing into yours._

_"I- uh, I feel like I can trust him with whatever. He's always sure to be...bluntly honest with me." You let out an airy, slightly exasperated laugh at the mention of his bluntness. In your growing nervousness, though, you tugged the sleeves of your jacket down to cover your hands, balling the material in your fists. "And when we talk, I don't worry so much about- being who people need me to be. I can just - be me, y'know?"_

_"You always have been pretty bad with that. You care way too much sometimes." Nathan's voice lowered to be just above a whisper as he spoke, mirroring the growing softness that you carried in your own demeanor. His eyes appeared glazed over, almost hazy, as he blinked slowly while taking in everything you were saying._

_"I- I feel so stupid over it sometimes though, because, I'll get so lost in my head and all it takes is like, a single word from him, and I'll forget everything, even if it's just for a bit." Your lips curled into a wistful smile at the notion. Your internal battle of your comfortableness with Nathan versus your ever-present, gnawing insecurity left you with a strange mixture of feelings, as you grappled with the two contrasting trains of thought. It was as simply as you had put it to him - it made you feel stupid. One moment, you would be constantly fretting over your impending future, how you could be a better friend, or a harder worker or smarter student; Anything large and vague that could you could worry about, you did, which only scratched the surface of your ever-bubbling insecurities. The next moment, though, it'd be as if all your thoughts and worries were out the window._

_This had been one of those times. You had initially been attempting to ignore it, writing it off as either a product of the atmosphere or wishful thinking. Somewhere along the line, though, Nathan had seen through your false front and pieced together all of your words, feelings, and actions. Normally, your mind would have been reeling, grappling with the idea that you said too much and needed to perform some type of damage control. But, Nathan had gradually and steadily been moving closer towards you, you had inadvertently been doing the same, and the subtle movements had placed everything in your head on pause. Had the two of you been any closer, you would more or less be in his lap, and that thought alone sent a flurry of heat and redness to your cheeks. It didn't help that his face was only a few mere inches from yours, with the deep blue color of his eyes only partially peeking through their lidded state. You had sincerely meant it when you referred to the boy as pretty, and his proximity only further reminded you of that._

_"Mhm." Nathan let out another noncommittal sound, seemingly not listening anymore as he slowly moved his arm to stretch and wrap around your waist, pulling you in closer to him, if at all possible. "_ _And...what else can you tell me? I still don't know if he's worth all of this." A small, impish smile spread its way across his face, drawing your focus from his eyes to his lips as he spoke lowly._

_Everything about Nathan in this moment, from his voice to his eyes to his hands, was lighting you on fire. Against the better judgement of your racing heart, you angled your head to be closer to his, parting your lips as you let out a low, wavering exhale. You attempted to get in another word or so, but the idea had been fruitless, as you seemed to lose your voice when his breath hotly warmed your cheeks, making them redder if possible. You began to close your eyes, your head emptied of anything and everything except for Nathan, as your lips drew nearer and nearer to his still, your noses lightly brushing together in the process._

_The moment never seemed to come, as your phone began to violently vibrate next to you, the motion loudly reverberating against the truck bed._

_Despite your eyes springing wide open, you hesitated to move, as Nathan craned and angled his head to place a kiss along your jawline instead. "Don't tell me that's Hayden again." He tauntingly murmured against your skin, the feeling sending a skipping beat to your heart. You let out a breathy laugh, your eyes half-lidding at his voice and his actions, and you could feel your thoughts slipping from you once again. But, as you turned your gaze to look over at your phone, your body tensed with a start._

_"Wait- Hang on, I'm sorry, it's Kate."_

_At the mention of the girl, Nathan's own body tensed up, as he rigidly pulled himself away from you._

_"Do you really need to get that right now?" Leaning back, he ran a hand through his hair, messing with it as a temporary form of distraction. His voice, although still quieted from before, came out more sharp and edged. "It's not like you never fucking talk to her, she can wait."_

_The pit you held within your stomach began to dig its way deeper, your eyebrows furrowing in the process. But, with your finger hovering over the 'answer' button of the call, it was evident that you had already made your decision. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried because she normally texts me, so I'm not sure if something's wrong, or..." Your words trailed off, quiet and rushed, the pit digging its way deeper into your stomach, tossing and turning over. Without so much as a word and only a clipped nod, Nathan pushed himself further to the side of the truck and away from you, as you accepted the phone call._

_-_

"Hey, Kate!" Your voice chirped gently over the phone, a strained and concerned smile making its way onto your face. You felt your shoulders sag with the rain and with your tiredness as you stepped off the bus and onto the Academy grounds. "I'll just need a few minutes to change, I just got back and I'm soaking wet right now, but once I get to the dorms, I'll be more than ready to hang out if you're still up for it!"

The doubtful, gnawing, ever-present pit began to creep its way through your stomach and your chest, against all of your best efforts to have fought it off during the bus ride. Out of necessity for yourself and concern for your friend, though, you continued to fight it off and place it to the side. You still weren't sure how Kate had been handling the aftermath of the party, but you knew that she needed someone there for her, and you were always more than willing. At her audible relief towards your insistence on hanging out, your earlier strained smile became a more genuine one and put a spring in your step, as you hurried through the rain and back to your dorm to change. 


	10. Softly Cataclysmic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') Guys :')  
> Life is Strange 3 has officially been announced!!!!! It's getting it's official reveal/premier on March 18th, but the game has at least been officially confirmed!! I think it's supposed to be another part of the anthology, meaning that it'll have a new cast of characters and everything, so no focus on the characters from the first game but !! this game series as a whole really just holds such a soft spot w/me :'). wanted to share the news here in case anyone hasn't heard, come be excited w/me!!!  
> and-   
> okay now time for an actual story note but: sorry, there isn't much Nathan in this chapter. this chapter is what I had initially planned for the 2nd half of the last chapter, but i got v carried away while writing both scenes, and so they're posted as separate chapters, just for length and theme purposes. even w/this weird division, i still like the set up and all, b/c then I'm not hitting you guys w/too much all at once. but please let me know if some things feel either too slow/too disconnected, or vice versa too, if things feel too fast/not steady enough!! any feedback is appreciated, and thanks for reading!!

The room was dimly lit, illuminated mostly by the blue-light that emanated from the movie on the laptop screen. While the blinds were pulled open, only little light shone through them as the continuous rain and heavy clouds blocked most of it out. In spite of the physically dull atmosphere, though, the room felt anything but, as you and Kate sat side by side on her bed, the comfort between the two of you permeating through your surroundings. 

Watching the ending of the movie play out on the screen, you tilted your head to the side, musing your thoughts out loud to her. "Who do you think you're most like?" 

"Mm, if we think about the point of the movie, I think we're supposed to relate to all of them in some way." Kate twisted her mouth to the side in thought, her serious response contrasting with the upbeat synth-pop that played as the credits rolled. Her expression was shortly replaced with half of a smile at your gentle nudging, though, as she decided to fully entertain your question. "If I _had_ to choose though, I think I'm most like Allison."

"...Oh my god, does that make me Claire right now? I always thought I was more of a Brian!" In your reference to _The Breakfast Club_ characters, you let out a slight, quiet gasp, pretending to lightly touch up your face. The motion drew attention to the dried mud-mask on your face, one of which Kate had been sporting as well. 

At your feigned dramatics, Kate shook her head with the smallest of laughs. "Is this what we're considering a makeover now?" She mirrored the actions you had performed, pretending to primp and preen around the frame of her face. Your own laughter is followed by a beat of silence, and it isn't long until Kate's lighthearted actions and smile shortly fall as well, giving way to a more solemn state of mind. "Do you think people like Claire and Allison could ever actually be friends?" 

Based on how you had been friends with Kate for a few years, you understood that she wasn't referencing you, despite your previous, albeit joking, comparison of yourself to the character. A certain fashionable leader of the Vortex Club quickly came to mind, though, with the parallels seemingly uncanny, at least on the surface: the two were both popular, pretty, and wealthy.

"...Would you want to be her friend?" You started off tentatively, not sure how much Kate was ready to talk about yet. 

While Kate had been relieved that you still wanted to check in with her and hang out, she was more hesitant to talk over anything that concerned the Vortex Club or the party. The rumors and their effects that had sprouted and grown had been spreading quicker and worse than you thought, as, when you first came to see Kate, she had hardly wanted to leave her room, let alone her bed. You didn't want to pressure Kate into addressing everything right away, as you were worried it may make her spiral further and further into the confines of her room, her sheets, and her head. In the meantime, though, you assured Kate that you'd be there with her, even if it meant sticking to her room and staying low for a bit, all until she felt ready to move and talk again.

After a few moments of silence, Kate began to dance around the question. "Sometimes I don't think I know what can be considered a friendship, anymore." Her response indicated that her previous question wasn't truly about Victoria at all, but rather gave way to something deeper that was weighing on her mind. 

You nodded slowly, gently encouraging Kate to continue. It was apparent that she was tossing and turning over her words in her mind, if the way she tightly clasped and wrung her hands together, her knuckles turning white, was any indication. A deep set, hurt and tired look spread across her face, her eyes beginning to water and redden. "I mean, if you hadn't helped me get back the other night, would you even be here right now? Everybody else just seems to believe whatever they hear."

"I'll always be here for you Kate. It doesn't matter what everyone else is saying, I'm just here to listen to _you_." Your voice came out soft and quiet, your concern and worry for Kate beating out over any other emotion you may have felt in this moment: your anger at the rumors and gossip, your own guilt at possibly having made Kate feel more alone. None of it mattered, as it currently wouldn't help Kate in any way. 

Kate sniffled, unclasping her hands to wipe at the corners of her eyes. She tilted her head back, blinking slowly, in an effort to prevent any tears from spilling out. After a few short seconds, she lowered her head, looking at you once again with a wistful smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. 

"I know, and thank you, [Y/N]. I haven't even told you anything and yet you're still listening." She let out a puff of air, as a cynical half-laugh, before continuing. "I just- I thought that more of my friends were _actually_ my friends and would at least hear me out! But Stella's been refusing to talk to me since the party, she wouldn't even look at me in the hallway this morning and-" Kate cut herself off with a shaky exhale, leading into a deep, steadying breath in. When she couldn't seem to find her words, needing to take the time to even out her breathing, you attempted to fill in the gaps where you could. With Stella now factored in, though, you felt as if you had less to go on. 

"I didn't know Stella was at the party. Did something happen between you guys?" Still sitting side by side, you then moved and repositioned yourself so that you would be facing Kate head on. Almost on instinct, you placed a hand on her arm, hoping to provide any more comfort that you possibly could. Something always told you that it would never be enough, but you were currently at a loss for how else you could help, other than by providing any source of comfort and listening for the time being. 

"I didn't think that anything did, but it's not like she'd tell me right now anyways." An uncharacteristic, bitter tiredness took over Kate's voice. She began to rub more at her eyes, the face-mask smudging underneath her eyes due to the motions. 

"How did you guys get separated, anyways? I didn't see Stella anywhere when you bumped into me." You continued to prompt Kate, still not quite sure how much she was willing to talk about yet. 

"Um, well-" Kate began to fret with her fingers again, not wanting to relive the events and aftermath of the party. You quickly reassured her, letting her know that she didn't have to talk anymore if she didn't want to, but Kate shook her head, pressing on with the details. "When we showed up, we spent most of our time outside on the courtyard, because of how crowded it was. I swear, we each only had one drink, but- we _may_ have been a little tipsy." Kate set her mouth into a thin line, her jaw clenching, as she became more defensive and prickling as she told the story, reluctant to mention that she had been drinking. Your hand still on her arm, you gave her a reassuring squeeze, to which she slightly softened. 

"But, um- because of that, we didn't think much of it when we saw Mr. Jefferson leaving the school building, and we went to go talk to him. At some point, Stella said that she was going to head back inside - I think to probably refill her drink or something." Kate passively recounted her night of the party, starting to fill you in on everything she remembered, up until she had ran into you.

"She was gone for longer than I expected, though, and so Mr. Jefferson offered to walk me back to the dorms. I didn't want to just leave Stella, though, so that's when I went back in and ran into these guys who are in the same music class as us, and- I thought they'd be more help, but they just kept talking and-" Kate widened her eyes in exasperation at the mention of the group of boys. For a moment, she quieted, seemingly not wanting to say much else. You offered up your own conclusion to this, to which Kate seemed relieved.

"Is that when we ran into each other?" Although Kate no longer seemed as shaken-up, you still kept your voice at a gentle level, and allowed Kate to do more of the talking, with you just filling in the gaps. You figured that her venting, with an occasional nudge or question here and there, would help her best process and talk through everything for herself. 

"I am _so_ sorry you had to see me like that, by the way." She murmured, referring to her drunken state. It was unspoken between the two of you, but Kate knew you had seen the bottle of wine hidden by her dresser before, and had thus consequently known that she would drink here and there. She had no need to defend her choices to you, but, in the same vein, you understood her need to do so out of her habitual instinct and upbringing. You didn't want her to feel so defensive and insecure about her actions, though, and attempted to poke fun at your own, to even the field. 

"Like you've never seen me drunk before." You playfully rolled your eyes and bumped Kate's shoulder, hoping to get a small laugh from Kate. She only met your joke with a half-chuckling grin, but it was better than nothing. All you really wanted to do was cheer Kate up, and hopefully take her mind off of things, but, you knew that wasn't what she needed, and you returned the conversation to its more serious nature. 

"But- I know it's only been a day, but how much have you tried to talk to Stella? I'm sorry, I really don't get why she'd treat you like this, but maybe if you give her a day or so, she'll come around." 

"I hope so. I just don't understand." Kate murmured, shaking her head once again. "I mean, since last night, she hasn't been answer any of my texts, and when we saw each other this morning, she just kept walking, like I wasn't even there. It's just- It feels so lonely here, sometimes, and this is only reminding me of that and how bad it can be."

"The _least_ she could do right now is to hear you out, Kate. I think she knows that, though, or she'll at least come around to realize it soon. If she doesn't by sometime this week, though, we can both go to try and talk to her, if you want. It might be easier if you have someone with you. And - I know it only means so much, but I really am always here for you." You spoke slowly with apprehension, not wanting to overstep your boundaries with your advice and reassurance. Despite Kate's nodding at your answer, indicating that she accepted it, you still couldn't help but to feel a certain level of discomfort.

It wasn't that you didn't stand by your advice; you fully did. The discomfort instead arose at the sudden disconnect you felt from yourself and the situation, at your own hypocrisy. When Kate had initially described Stella's behavior, you attempted to ignore the pang it sent from your head down through your chest. It couldn't be avoided any more, as it grew and spread from your head further down into your stomach. 

You were one far too familiar with that level of coldness that Stella was currently showing, as you had expressed it yourself before. Granted, the situation had been different, and you had often felt justified in your coldly polite detachedness. It seemed necessary at the time, to protect your own feelings. But, in seeing how lonely Kate had felt, you were suddenly hyper-aware of just how isolating the feeling could be. It didn't help with how recently you had seen Nathan, with his hurt and angry voice from the diner now ringing in your ears once again. That only scratched the surface. His voice and his texts came in, time and time and over and over again, pounding at the top of your head, while all the while you acted as if nothing had happened, as if the two of you had never been friends in the first place. 

You grappled with two new waves of guilt that crashed over one another inside of you. One part of you felt guilty for your previous detached actions to an old friend. This wasn't a new wave of guilt, and one that you had often dealt with. However, a new wave formed its way within you, as you believed that this wasn't the time or place to be dealing with your own emotions. You had to be there for Kate, and thinking about your own past wasn't going to help her. Even if you hadn't outwardly expressed anything to her, you became frustrated with yourself for not giving her your fullest form of attention and advice, especially when she seemed to most need it. Your qualms over Nathan had only briefly arose within you, but it was enough to throw you off, leaving you at a momentary loss for words.

Luckily, your earlier reassurance had seemed to be enough for Kate, at least for the time being, as she let out a half-hearted smile, rubbing at the corners of her eyes once again.

"Um- do you think we could go wash these things off now? I think we've definitely had them on for longer than the recommended time." She gestured to her face, highlighting the mud mask that had dried on it, with its few smudges around her eyes here and there. You were grateful for the change in subject, quickly getting off the bed and onto your feet, pulling Kate by the hand with you.

"What, you don't think..." You paused and tilted your head, mentally calculating the amount of time that passed. "You don't think an hour is too long, do you? Maybe that just means it'll be more effective!"

"Or maybe it means that our faces will be stained with the mud mask forever!" Kate giggled as she led you out of the room, seemingly in slightly better spirits than before. 

"No-oo, then we definitely gotta go!" You widened your eyes, playing along with her teasing dramatics, hoping to keep her mood lifted as much as you could. As the two of you made your way into the hallway, you heard a familiar, ringing voice emanating from Victoria's dorm next to Kate's, causing you to quicken your pace to the girl's bathroom. With how thrown off you had been at the mere thought of Nathan, you didn't think you'd be able to handle seeing him anymore today. At least, you wouldn't be able to if you were still going to be there for Kate, is what you told yourself. You pushed down any lingering memories and feelings deep into the back of your head for the time being, but with each shove, they came bubbling back up more and more, bursting at their seams. 

Maybe it had been the fact that you had held an actual conversation with Nathan two days in a row, which is the most you've held in months. Or, maybe it was the fact that this wasn't an entirely new thought at all, and was one you had been dealing with on and off since you first left. How it presented itself didn't matter though as, either way, the thought came through loud and clear: you wanted to try again, to be a better friend, but you weren't sure if you knew how.


End file.
